Divorce-Who do I ask about fair financial split?

[Stumps66]

Hi All, I’m newly split from H of 15 years, stay at home mum on a part time salary- he’s on 6 figures and has announced he won’t be paying for me for many years going forward (will support 13,10 year olds). He has said he can’t imagine how on earth I will ever get a mortgage etc- I’ve seen a solicitor and aware that the court will favour my situation as I will still be main carer(even though he thinks working full time he can suddenly manage the kids half the time). I want to know who I can show finances to and ask about what I need to demand in settlement prior to talking to H- so I can say that this was advice given to me ...I know a court makes a final decision down the line, but I want something now to show that is professional advice- I can’t bear the thought of the rage that will come if I say I want 60 or 70 % as I am screwed careerwise. I would be in £40-50k now if career not interrupted but unlikely to be able to get back in due to all the 25-45 year old experts sloshing around the market.. I want to stay amicable but think this will cause awful damage. I am going round in circles on line looking for the answer.. thanks x

[SpaSushi]

You show it all to your solicitor. You do t have to let a court decide, you can agree by mediation or via solicitors.

You can show hime your advice says you should get ,'X, but his solicitors will counter saying, no you should only get Y.

Its going to get ugly, and expensive I'm afraid. He can afford to put up a fight.

[WendyCope]

Same situation OP. How stupid are we to have given up careers and raised children for 15 years? I am even worse off as I moved and gave birth in husbands country, very dim move. Cannot leave or get job here.

I am so unconfident of trusting courts here. Very worried.

[NorthernSpirit]

A solicitor will put anything in a letter that a paying client says, so you can ‘demand’ whatever you like. Settlements are based on needs, not wants though.

The children are 13 and 10. You’ll be expected to get a job and support yourself.

[AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe]

OP you need to find out the value of the assets he has including his pension. He then needs to do that with you. The starting point is to then split that 50-50.

As the main carer for the children you will then get more of the assets to ensure they are housed until they are 18 plus maintenance for them.

As PP stated you are expected to work and support yourself going forward. This is why you get a lump sum and not continuing maintenance.

Also the more you fight with solicitors the more you both lose out financially. If you want to spend 40k plus on solicitors fees then go ahead. Its better for you to find a decent slightly more expensive solicitor who can tell you what you can get, then try and reach an agreement with your ex through financial mediation.

Then you need to sort out a parenting plan for the 10 year old using family mediation. With the 13 year old ask who they want to live with and how they want to split their time, as they are old enough to put significant input into the decision. Otherwise you can spend another 25K plus fighting using solicitors.

[Hohocabbage]

OP has said she does work part time, as well as being sahm

[Stumps66]

@hohocabbage- see the confusion - I work when my kids are at school so am a present and available mum, not a total sahm- x

[SpaSushi]

As PP said get all the financial info on assets and debts together, separate. Go see a financial advisor and find out what you can borrow on your income and estimated costs. Then see a solicitor.

Everything flows from the children and ensuring their needs are met.

• where will they live, how split time between you?
• if you have them majority of time then you need enough assets/ money to house them. If shared 50-50 then you both need adequate housing.
• thus may mean one of you keeps the current house, or its sold and you both downsize.

Whatever your husband says about your mortgage ability is irrelevant. If you cant raise much then you need either more capital or stay in the house and he moves. The children are the priority and therefore whoever is their primary carer.

See a solicitor, there is so much info you need

[CitrusFruit9]

Agree your first port of call is a solicitor. Look on the Law Society Website and choose find a solicitor. Put in family law and your area and a list will come up.

Do choose carefully and choose someone who specialises in divorce and who is experienced at dealing with high net worth individuals - their biography should say so. Family law is a broad church so read carefully.

This specialist knowledge is more important than them being near to you. You only need to visit them once, the rest will be done by email and telephone.

Ideally don't choose one based in London because the fees are higher without necessarily better service. Personal experience here - I changed lawyers part way through my divorce because I was dissatisfied with my first quite well known divorce lawyers). I can recommend a good out of town lawyer if you are in the South East.

Your solicitor should have a darn good idea of what you will receive based on precedent. If they are in any doubt they should refer you to a financial adviser specialising in divorce settlements. Again a divorce lawyer specialising in high net worth individuals will know one of these.

Do not listen to the advice you get on here about spousal maintenance which is invariably wrong for HNW. Any deal should give you either additional capital and/or spousal maintenance, do not accept just child maintenance. Remember you are entitled to a share of his pension too. Agree that housing the DC plus you as the main carer should be a priority and that may well mean you staying in the family home - houses are not selling well at the moment and you need to make that point rather than end up with a settlement which assumes an impossible house sale.

It sounds as if your H is planning on being a dick so make sure you do not take his word for anything. Do NOT try to be nice and keep things amicable by giving up or reducing your claim, all you will do is shortchange yourself and your DC.

Be prepared for him to suddenly claim a burning desire to have his children 50:50 so that he can reduce or avoid paying child maintenance.

Before you meet the solicitor you will help yourself by getting together as many details and copy documents as possible of your assets and drawing up a rough list together with approximate values.

I can give some input on how to manage legal costs going forward at some point if you like.

[Stumps66]

@CitrusFruit9 thanks for this. I’ve seen amicable.io online which is a fixed fee divorce solicitors set up by women who have experienced bad services in law. I may talk to them. I am gathering gathering, next step is showing someone all the assets- wikiforce offers a £199 fixed fee service to propose fair settlement based on the situation- that seems quite good...

[How2Help]

I had a friend go through this in 2018. She found a starting point/advice about finance nearly impossible to find. Three, yes three, solicitors sent her away basically not giving advice about what she could realistically go for and said she should just work it out with her ex. and they would then check that. Is that unusual?

They are nearly sorted now, but I’m incredibly glad that after the huge shock of her marriage collapsing she could find the strength to stand up for herself. I can see how people get screwed.