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Help inmeed to know if there os any hope for my marriage(3 Posts)
I need help I’m totally lost and think I’ve lost my wife forever.
We’ve been married for 14 years married for 7. We have a little boy 4 and she is step mother to my 2 other children 14 and 15. We both have good jobs and own our own home, but have little life outside the marriage.
I love my wife dearly but recently she hit me with the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” after an incident where I displayed jealousy towards one of her work colleagues grabbing him by the collar and embarrassing her. At the time it wasnt jealousy I thought she hated this guy, she had told me as much and he was being inappropriate and sleezy at a works party. This led to lots of other arguments and eventually she said either I was leaving or she was, I told her to go but our son was so upset I asked her to move back and agreed I would go.
She had an affair 4 years ago whilst I was working away and at the same time she squandered all our savings and got into a lot of debt to the point where she couldn’t pay I our mortgage, eventually she told me and I paid the debt, I then found out about the affair and was all set to leave the marriage when she told me she was pregnant. She begged me to stay for the baby and I did.
I never got over the affair and always worried about money after that, I became controlling with money and suspicions of her. I also resented her and stopped putting effort into the relationship. This wasn’t a conscious decision it just happened as I didn’t feel the same about her even tho I sill loved her.
Now she tells me that she feels, I have been constantly blaming her for everything that’s goes wrong,controlling her, belittleing her and has convinced herself that it had been our whole relationship not just since the affair.
She then met a friend who was leaving her husband and they bonded closely they became each other’s salvation it seems and now they are both set on being single.
I agreed to separate to work on the marriage but my wife just grew more distant, she then told me she never had any intention of working at the marriage ever.
I went into melt down I begged, pleaded, cryed, I decided to accept the decision and I joined a dating site and try to move on. She has been calm and amicable throughout almost as if she doesn’t care at all. I stated drinking and verbally abusing her, telling her it was her fault for the affair, I also accused her of having and affair with the friend she had become close to it seem logical to me at the time and I needed something to blame. I called her names and said unforgivable things that I am ashamed of and now she has told me she hates me, has blocked me on everything, she joined tinder and says there is no chance of reconciliation.
I then after 4 weeks suddenly had a realisation that even tho she had hurt me it was me who had carried it on and that she wasn’t having an affair and that I had been neglecting her, and doing the things she listed. I still love her and our family and want more than anything to make things right, but she says she wants to be free now to do what she wants, when she wants not have to justify anything she does and make it on her own, she says she cares about nothing and nobody except her and will never do anything for anyone ever again unless it makes her happy and that this is the way she intends to live her life. Single forever doing her own thing and build a new life without me. She says she feels nothing for me and is no longer attracted to me even tho she still likes the way I look it’s a mental thing. We don’t talk now except about our son and I’ve no idea what to do, I know it’s such a mess I should just move on but I still love her is there anything I can do?
Unfortunately it seems to be over the trust was lost years back that’s why my friend was subjected to DNA test for her last born she did the same thing was unhappy with the relationship had an affair fell pregnant,was shocked back into reality unfortunately he found out they had the test the chills was his thank God.They split up after that there wasn’t any point no trust definitely no love .You need some help advice counselling but ,I honestly think it’s over prepare yourself and try to behave with some dignity be thoughtful in your behaviour,take care
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