Kicked my husband out two days before Christmas

[NoplanB]

OK, first time posting, had a shit of a day.

Husband has been emotionally detached for years, have tried everything I could to support him but he has refused to get help, put any effort in or even try while he's put everything he's got into his career and left me to pick up everything else. I feel like I've enabled it for too long.

Have spent the last two days crying my eyes out as he just blindly goes through the motions and makes empty promises he never keeps to either me or our son.

The black cloud of negativity around him has consumed me for so long I just couldn't bear to have another Christmas with him, another Christmas crying.

I feel like a total witch for kicking him out even though my son is super happy I have.

[HollowTalk]

That's interesting, that your son is super happy you've kicked him out. How do they normally get on?

[Singlenotsingle]

Does he care about you? if not, why should you be expected to care about him? I'm sure he'll find somewhere to go. Either parents or friends will take pity on him and his sad story and give him a bed. ANYWAY, he can probably afford a hotel, can't he? It's quite telling that your ds is happy he's gone. You've done the right thing.

[NoplanB]

@hollowtalk the husband just sees himself and no one else, he sees our son and me as a package or an ornament you put on the shelf, like a collector's item toy, there to look at but not to engage with.

@singlenotsingle thank you, am feeling waves of yay! I'm free and then waves of oh shit what have I done?

[claret3189]

Good on you for making such a bold strong decision i hope you start to take strength in your choices and get support from those around you

[NoplanB]

@claret3189 thank you, just moved back to the UK 3 months ago after 12 years overseas and literally know no one except my MIL who lives up the road.

[Singlenotsingle]

There are MN meetups around the country. Whereabouts are you?

[Dodreamscometrue]

I think that you have been very brave. I asked my husband to leave a month ago and its so hard. I've had the same waves to but with all that has happened this last month I know I've done the right thing.
I know it's going to get worse yet!!
I hope that things go as smoothly as possible for you. Do you think you can work it out or is it over?

[NoplanB]

I'm in the middle of fracking nowhere in the countryside. I'll find people to hang out with I don't worry about that too much, it just takes a bit of time to connect, moved countries enough that meeting new people is not something that phases me.

@Dodreamscometrue good luck sweetie, ever need anyone to hold the sickbucket on the rollercoaster I'm there : ) how's it going for you?

He's got some issues which if he sorts through we can work it out but he refuses to prioritise those issues as being important. He's just got himself ballsacks deep in work and is refusing to come up for air. Meanwhile he's got a fantastic kid who he just ignores and a wife in tears all the time.

[AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe]

If your son is super happy then you are no witch. Instead you have probably done the best thing for your son by showing him dreadful behaviour in a relationship shouldn't be put up with.

[Yolandapanda]

Hello Noplanb, welll done for biting the bullet, you are better off without him. He sounds very much like my husband, I'm applying for a divorce after Christmas so have to grit my teeth all through the holidays. My 13yr old daughter asked me on the summer holidays when I was going to leave him and that finally made up my mind. I was always hoping they didn't see how detached he was but my older 2 (16yr old son aswell) can no longer stand him. We have an 11yr daughter too and he is a Disney dad to her but she is also noticing his behaviour now. I can't wait to divorce him , as you say the constant negativity drains the life out me and causes far more stress than the kids ever do. What will you do for Christmas ?

[Yolandapanda]

So it's not even 11am and 3 suggestions/conversations about stuff over the holidays have been met by him with frowns or negative reactions. I cannot remember the last time he showed any genuine enthusiasm, it's feels most days like we are just a nuaciance to him...

[Yolandapanda]

How was your Christmas afterall and has there been any updates Noplanb ?

[Dodreamscometrue]

Noplanb just wonder how it's going for you? Thanks for the offer of the sick bucket lol, think I'm gonna need it lol!