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Would you want to know if your new boyfriend had been arrested for trying to break his ex's arm?

(11 Posts)
Originallymeonly Sun 16-Dec-18 20:27:54

My ex is incredibly charming at the start of a relationship. I have escaped from years of emotional and financial abuse and as per thread title, he was arrested for attempting to break my arm. No witnesses so cps didn't prosecute, it was "soft tissue damage only" as I got him off before he broke anything.
I now find out he's in a new relationship. I'm struggling a bit with feeling disloyal to the poor woman that I could save her from similar physical abuse, but also feel it's none of my business and she will be told by him I'm a psycho and a liar.
He won't come up on a clares law disclosure as he is a tricky bugger and didn't physically assault me until I was out of his power to emotionally abuse me or restrict my money, then he made sure there were no witnesses.
He's already conditioned most of our mutual friends to think I'm some kind of nutjob kicking him out when he was the perfect person...
What would you do?

OP’s posts: |
liqorice Sun 16-Dec-18 20:31:23

No. She won't believe you. She might believe a friend of yours though

Greensleeves Sun 16-Dec-18 20:32:04

Difficult. I understand the sense of responsibility you feel towards his potential victims, if it's your arm he tried to break. On the other hand, I think you deserve to be able to to draw a line under what he did to you and move on as well, so I'm not sure what I think about you feeling you have to police his future relationships in case he hurts somebody?

flowers for you anyway, I think it's a really tricky one.

Helpisneeded13 Sun 16-Dec-18 20:33:17

Nope she won't believe you, would you?
Your have to let them get on with it.

Snowwontbelong Sun 16-Dec-18 20:33:52

My ex also tried to break my arm. Didn't occur to me to advise the new gf. Ultimately she will have to find out for herself he is a twat.

Madmozzie Sun 16-Dec-18 20:36:53

I'd want to know, because if anything happened I'd be forewarned and therefore less likely to accept any excuses of it being a one off/extreme circumstances/misunderstanding etc. Even if I didn't believe you, it would still be in the back of my mind and he'd be less likely to be able to get away with shit behavior.

Fatted Sun 16-Dec-18 20:41:52

Are you sure it won't come up on Claire's law? If it was reported, they can disclose it regardless of whether or not he was prosecuted.

You can contact the police and express your concerns about his new partner. If they are concerned, they can disclose to her the information. They do not disclose who made the initial referral, but similarly they won't tell you whether or not she's been told or what she's been told.

user1493413286 Sun 16-Dec-18 20:46:02

I would and I did; of course she said I was crazy and ex had already told her I’d do it to “try and break them up”. My hope is that she thought back to what I’d told her when he started showing signs of aggression and control and got out before it got to the point it did with me.

Originallymeonly Sun 16-Dec-18 20:48:54

@fatted I didn't know that, maybe I'll speak to the dv unit liaison person, see what they say.

OP’s posts: |
Originallymeonly Sun 16-Dec-18 20:51:07

If he doesn't attack her, does that mean it WAS my fault? I hate this. Fucking twat. Why is it so complicated?

OP’s posts: |
Helpisneeded13 Sun 16-Dec-18 21:43:58

Sweetie my ex locked me in my house for 12 hours after he attacked me, broke ribs and my nose and the police didn't take it any further until he smashed up his own mothers home.
He is now married with a dc. I don't
Know if he did or does the same, I don't care, because either way we shouldn't be together.
And in time your move on.
You are in that confused stage, and that's how they are able to get away with that behaviour because they confuse our minds.
You need to get over him and what he's up too. It took me 2 years.
And a lot of self love.

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