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Moving on after 11 years together - advice needed

(7 Posts)
missbee90 Tue 04-Dec-18 13:03:34

Hi Everyone,

6 months ago my husband turned my world upside down and out of the blue told me he didn’t love me anymore. We had been together 11 years, married 1 year, owned a house together and a dog but no children (I’m 28) He was my best friend and it really was totally unexpected.

I spent a few weeks trying to talk to him to understand what was going on in his head but he compltely shut down. I’ve now filed for divorce and currently going through the process of buying him out of the property. My emotions have been everywhere, some days I’m ok and excited by where my life will be and other days I’m sad and can’t think of anything other than my old life with him.

I’ve not been looking to date or meet anyone else, I want to focus on myself and heal and get to the point where he’s not on my mind 24/7. However I’ve very recently met someone who I’m very attracted to and (on paper) should tick all my boxes but I can’t stop myself from pushing him away. I feel like it’s too soon but I also don’t want to potentially miss out on someone who could be Mr Right.

I’m a total loss as to what to do, I know my old life isn’t coming back, I’ve accepted that but just can’t seem to transition in to wanting or enjoying a new one ....

Any advice welcome!

noego Tue 04-Dec-18 18:26:58

Take it slowly. There is absolutely no rush. Live in the moment.

TweetieFruFru Wed 05-Dec-18 11:26:02

You are only 28 - you don’t need to be locked into any relationship. Give yourself time to be free. Be thankful you were only married a year - the longer you are married the bigger the price financially and emotionally.

missbee90 Wed 05-Dec-18 12:06:29

Thank you both for your comments xx

whynot93 Thu 06-Dec-18 16:40:54

Woah.. I'd concentrate on yourself for now and not worry too much about adding anyone else into the mix. You are still very young and if he is mr right I'm sure he'll be around in 6 months from now.

lifebegins50 Fri 07-Dec-18 09:33:01

It's pretty tricky to move on emotionally whilst the practical issues are ongoing. I think when the marriage has formally ended, finances resolved you become mentally freer and healing can kick in.

I think 28 is a perfect age to "reset" life. There is a theory that 27/28 is the age when we finally reach adulthood. It's only by looking back, in a few years, that we can see the growth however.

Don't rush a new relationship because of "shoulds" and learn to trust your instincts.

Each relationship we have teaches us something..do you feel you know the lessons from your marriage?

missbee90 Fri 07-Dec-18 10:20:05

Thank you again everyone, I’ve spoken to the guy I mentioned and just explained I’m not emotionally ready for anything as of yet.

I’m not sure if I know the lessons from my marriage, one day he was asking when we could have a baby and the next he turned round and said he didn’t think he loved me anymore because he was going out and wanting to entertain attention from strangers so felt he had to end the marriage.. it’s all very strange and will take me a long time to get over and make any sense of it all. I just have to ignore his tears and when he makes comments such as “you’ll always be the love of my life” or “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met”.. he even used “it’s not you,it’s me” ..

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