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Telling 5yo at weekend that his daddy won’t be living with us anymore. He is going o be devastated - any words of wisdom?

(9 Posts)
Bennois Fri 09-Nov-18 20:33:16

My partner and I have been together 9 years - we have a 5yo boy (very sensitive and emotional soul - he just started reception) and we have a 7mo - she’ll be fine!

My ex left end of Sept and has been staying at his mum’s. He has been coming back at some weekends to see the kids, then leaves when they are in bed. We just said he has ‘been staying at nanny’s’ but now that’s wearing thin, and we have to tell our son, daddy isn’t come back

It breaks my heart just thinking about it. Our son’s feelings are of paramount importance so we want to do all we can to soften the blow as much as possible.

Any advice? 😓😓😓

OP’s posts: |
saltandvinegarcrisps1 Sat 10-Nov-18 12:24:37

HI Bennois. My H left after 23 years together (OW) but DC were 18 and 21 so I don't have any experience or advice for your situation. However....there's been threads on here very recently about this on the relationships section....you might want to try lookinf/posting there. Good luck with it and I hope it goes well - it's truly awful but people do get through it - DC too .

xzcvbnm Sat 10-Nov-18 17:12:42

I just told my son he'd be living in 2 houses from now on with 2 lots of toys - he was well pleased

Singlenotsingle Sat 10-Nov-18 17:17:33

I don't see why you have to break the news in such devastating terms. xzcv is right - present it as good news. His daddy isn't going to stop being daddy,is he, so what does it matter where he lives?

mummmy2017 Sat 10-Nov-18 17:20:21

Tell him daddy is getting new house so he will get two bedrooms..

desanto Sat 10-Nov-18 18:56:25

We’ve just had to do this after my H decided he no longer wanted to be in the marriage 6 weeks ago. I was terrified at the prospect of telling DD5, but the worst bit was the anticipation as it turned out.
Because I was still reeling from his out of the blue announcement, and due to the fact that we had such different perspectives on the split (he claims he’d been unhappy for ages; I thought things were pretty good), we got the help of a mediator to facilitate me and H coming up with a sort of script we’d tell our daughter (and also to help us negotiate how 50.50 residency would work in practical terms).

I was insistent that what we said had to be a brief and honest age-appropriate version of events. Whatever we said had to contain enough of the truth to stand up to DD’s questioning, without placing any blame or finger-pointing. By honestly standing by the news, I could show that I was (sort-of) OK and calm with it. I knew she’d look to me guide her emotions, i.e. if I was OK, the more likely she would be too.

We pointed out a few changes that had occurred recently, and then talked about how Daddy has been unhappy. We said that he didn’t want to live with Mummy anymore, so he’s going to live in a different house where he can be happy, somewhere where DD can live too for some of the time. We will still be a family and Mummy and Daddy will still talk to each other, but they won’t live together again. We said that although it’s sad, it’s not necessarily bad.

The lots of reassurance - it’s not your fault, you will always make both of us very happy, we’ll all be OK in the end, you can ask questions any time, etc.

In the event, it went well as it could have done, I think. A bit of everything from DD - surprise, sadness, lots of practical questions about what she could take to Daddy's house, even a bit of excitement at the novelty. She asked to see his flat, so they went there pretty much as soon as we'd finished talking, and to buy a few bits for her bedroom (very exciting). I had to stem a few eyerolls at what he was offering her – anything that made it easier for her.

Remember it’ll be a series of chats and questions. DD didn’t seem to process it all for the first few days then gradually started asking questions.

Good luck (and sorry if this is too late!)

slappinthebass Sat 10-Nov-18 21:59:21

Have you split up or not? I'm assuming you have, but you referred to him as your partner not your ex. If you have split up, I would explain that you aren't boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife any more, but otherwise I don't even know if I'd mention it unless he was asking.

purpleme12 Sat 10-Nov-18 23:10:02

I just told mine that he's was moving to another house and she would visit but I didn't make it into a big deal at all

unexpectednewstart Sun 11-Nov-18 22:16:13

Hi @Bennois

There's a few other single mums at a similar stage to you on another thread. Please feel free to come and join us

How do you adjust to life as a lone parent? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3339230-how-do-you-adjust-to-life-as-a-lone-parent

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