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Dependant on him

(6 Posts)
FiguringItAllOut Mon 29-Oct-18 19:05:28

Not sure why I'm writing this but here goes...

I want a divorce. We talked about it calmly. He agreed.

I was only 18 when we met (thought I knew it all, as you do) He was a (rather immature) 22.
Fast forward a decade, add in lots of life experience, a wedding, a beautiful 6yr old daughter....
I've changed a lot. He hasn't. He's still as immature now as he was then.
He's a truly wonderful dad but he's a rubbish husband and partner.
He works (I don't, we home schooled until recently and I'm looking now but I still can't find a job)
So all of our income is his.
He doesn't even have a bank account though. I handle all of the money/bills/etc, he takes no notice of any of it.
I moved into the lounge around 11 months ago. I couldn't take it anymore... everytime I got into bed with him he said goodnight and turned his back... no kiss, no hug (claims he has no sex drive anymore)
There's no intimacy there. He doesn't look at me that way anymore. We don't have any shared interests, hobbies etc. We spend little to no time together. We don't really talk unless it's idle small talk or unless it's about the little one.
We've tried various things over the last few years but nothing has helped. I'm not bitter about it, I truly believe it's just a case of being 'kids' when we met and growing up to be two very different people. It hurts, but that's life.

We want to seperate. When we do I'm screwed. I have no financial independence whatsoever. To complicate things he works for my father. We rent our house. We have debt.

Where do I start?

He's told me there's no rush. He said 'obviously you'll have little one 90% of the time so I want to make sure you are in a secure position financially for her'
(Again, faultless as a father bless him)

What do I do? I can't think of a single job, with school hours, that would pay anywhere near enough to cover rent/bills etc. He said he'll pay whatever it takes but he doesn't seem to realise he'd have a lot to pay out for his own place and although he means well he won't be able to pay the huge amounts he's offering.

I can't really talk to anyone about this. My family are dead against it... Apparently I should 'put up and shut up' because I've got it easy. Life isn't all about money though is it.

I don't know where to start. Emotionally I've already left but financially I'm trapped.

Where do I start? What do I do?

OP’s posts: |
NotSoThinLizzy Mon 29-Oct-18 19:11:51

Mabye you would be entitled to benefits that will pay all or most of your rent while you can find a job have a look on the Internet

northernglam Mon 29-Oct-18 20:23:23

You will get child benefit, tax or universal credit, housing benefit and child maintenance plus if you can get some work. It is possible. Look at

Ss770640 Sat 03-Nov-18 19:06:28

Why would you have son for 90%?

Only fair to him he sees his dad 50%

FiguringItAllOut Mon 05-Nov-18 09:46:17

I don't mean 90% literally. He works very long hours and is on-call 24/7.
He'll be able to see little one whenever he wants to, but because of his job she'll probably spend most of her time living with me

OP’s posts: |
Ss770640 Mon 05-Nov-18 10:16:58

You need to enroll at university or college.

Sounds like you have everything financially taken care of.

If you want out you need to find your own way.

Your husband is obliged to care for your child and currently you. But once you leave his only obligation is to child.

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