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Preparing for seperation - need to let go but I can't(3 Posts)
OK, I'm new here and desperately in need of some help/advice/support.
My husband of almost 15 years is getting ready to leave me - our relationship has been unstable for some time, there have been affairs, mental abuse etc etc (all from his side) - everything that will make you read this and ask why the f are you still there. But here I am and we are going through the worst possible patch, we ended it a few weeks ago, then I regretted it and said we would try again - that we would both make an effort. Since then, I've been trying to move on and forget the past, at the end of the day if I am going to stick around - what's the point in making my daily life miserable by dwelling on stuff? He however, appears to not be quite on the same page and has even told me that even though he loves me and can't imagine life without me - is feeling low and is just not 'feeling it' at the moment. Which is obviously not helpful with my feelings.Then at the weekend I saw a message pop up on his apple watch from a woman - I couldn't read it properly but there were kisses at the end of his message and she said something along the lines of I'm always here for you. I confronted him, he said it was nothing - someone he met on line 2 years ago (when we split previously) and reached out to her recently as he needed to talk to someone who didn't know us. Said it was just talk and nothing sinister and that he would delete messages/number. It seemed fairly true, I asked him to swear on kids lives (I know I know) and he did (shows how stupid I am to think that doing that proves things!) and I let it go. Since then, I've been asking questions to myself - is that really the truth? The more I thin about it - the more I disbelieve. I mean he has done this before! Now I feel like I have been walked over again. But I have no proof and if I confront him, it will just be another argument and I'm not ready for that after the last few weeks. I am also currently having a cancer scare (sure it is nothing and that has nothing to do with relationship issues) but I think that is one reason why he is not being totally honest and just leaving right now - then there is Christmas around the corner. (We have kids). I genuinely feel that he is waiting to get those things out of the way and then he will be gone. But what I don't want is to hang on for another 3 months making effort and then wake up one morning and find him gone. So I need to prepare to either man the hell up and do it myself, or be able to accept it if this is his plan. I am just so unsure what to do, I don't have many friends and none that I would like to tell my business too, same with family. I have had councelling in the past but I haven't found it helpful. It annoys me that I am so weak as actually, I'm a fairly strong and fiercely independent person - good job. We own a house (only 1 year in) and do have a fairly high proportion of debt so I do worry about money. My husband has also recently taken over my Dads business so he could retire - so there is A LOT of ties to think about. Has anyone else been in a similar situation - how do I get to the point where I can do this/or accept this.
Yes I have so been in your position and really feel for you so much of what you have written rings true with me. My husband looked me in the eye and swore on my childrens lives he wasn't lying to me and 3 days later I found out he was. I kicked my husband out 3 months ago and even though it's hard I feel liberated. Ask yourself is this the relationship you want for the rest of your life. Whatever happens you will be fine that strong woman is still there inside you. Xx
Thank you - it's comforting to know that I am not alone, it just feels like it some days. I know what the right thing to do is - I just need to get to the point where I am strong enough to do it. x
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