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On the brink of D, stbx has quit his job

(11 Posts)
Spotify Sat 06-Oct-18 11:56:01

I'm wondering how this will work. I have not filed yet. separated 3 years with nothing formal in place. I was a sahm with 3 young kids most of the time we were married. (wanted to work but he didn't want me to). Since leaving the house (he is still living in) I have been renting with the 3 children and I've been working. I don't earn much but I am determined to work. I'm also studying again to try and get a better paid job.
Anyway long story short. H had a very good job (80K +) Bonuses, good pension etc. He sold another rented out house (owned outright), said I could have the proceeds to get a place for I and the kids, then changed his mind at last minute (after I'd tried really hard to get a small mortgage and dragged kids around viewing places). He said he was putting it into a business (165K), he then left work and so is working on something from home I think. I went down a few hours at work as the mortgage would have meant I was paying a lot less than the rent I pay and childcare fees were crazy. I wondering now, how they will view him as having left his work? I have no proper maintenance in place (amicable agreement which could end any time)
No other partners ever involved, I left because of the way I was treated. (ignored, not spoken to for days and constant criticism for everything under the sun).
I have a couple of grand in the bank to pay for my fees but I'm worried already as solicitor wants £500 deposit to start work (paid 120 p/h so far) and mediation has cost £120 so far for 1 hour.
I'm just wondering if he has done this on purpose at this time. Wdyt?

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LadyLapsang Sat 06-Oct-18 14:14:02

Was there a reason you moved out of the family home? Also, why did you not prevent him from selling the BTL or put a charge against the property? Are you totally managing on your income and what he gives you or are you claiming benefits?

ShalomJackie Sat 06-Oct-18 14:29:00

Get to a lawyer immediately and get advice. You should have done this immediately. Now he has had a chance to get rid of assets and tie up proceeds

Spotify Sat 06-Oct-18 16:17:44

Yes Lady, He just tipped me over the edge with constant criticism and silent treatment for days on end. It just got to the point where it was stoney silence and I had nobody around me for support as we'd moved several times for his work.
I am seeing a councillor also at the moment. I didn't feel I ever deserved anything as I didn't really pay the mortgage (I was a sahm) and I just wanted to run as soon as I could. My solicitor is on hand and she made me put an interest in the property he still lives in (family home) as my name was never on the deeds. He had the other property before we married so I'd thought it wouldn't count.
I'm crap at being assertive and having to please everyone else all the time and I suffer for it. It's taken me 3 years to get here and he's still had some kind of control.
I have tax credits to help with childcare and top up my income. I don't get any other benefits but without tax credits, I would not be able to survive. They have been great tbh.

OP’s posts: |
Spotify Sat 06-Oct-18 16:18:41

I have kept the email he sent where he said he'd put the proceeds into two bank accounts when he sold with his plan to set up business, so hopefully this will count as evidence if he does.

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cookingteaforsix Sun 07-Oct-18 03:23:38

Get good legal advice ASAP. The money he has moved will not count towards divorce settlement if he 'disposes' of it and more than 12 months pass. 12 months go by shockingly fast.

Please be aware. If you want to come out with a decent settlement a family friend who is a solicitor always advises you go to court swiftly and get a judge to decide.

Then once the judge has asked him to supply his financial declaration, it's legal. He has to comply by the courts deadline.

No wriggling out of it or misplacing assets.....

It sounds very much like he's hoping to string you along to give himself enough time to legally lose assets.

It's all above board. He only has to declare financial dealings 12 months prior to the date he declares them.

Spotify Sun 07-Oct-18 08:40:46

Cooking I'm one step into mediation (I had a MIAMs by myself last week. I should hear this week if he's going or not. She gave me a form E for next appt so I am gathering docs. This all depends on if he turns up for his though.

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Spotify Sun 07-Oct-18 08:41:53

I've got a sol so as soon as I hear I'll inform her and get something done asap.

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PartAnd Sun 07-Oct-18 09:05:31

That sounds very stressful. Hope your Solicetor can give you proper advice.

LadyLapsang Sun 07-Oct-18 12:20:10

It really annoys me that your husband is delegating his moral financial responsibilities towards his children to the state. He has a lot of assets and a high income. I hope you do manage to get a fair share. I don't see why the BTL isn't in the pot. Why should tax payers subsidise his greed? Good luck.

Spotify Sun 07-Oct-18 14:55:32

I agree lady. It's the first ever time I've had any help from the govenment. I always worked before the marriage. I'm currently studying to get myself more opportunity. I have a degree and other quals but after this long they are not worth much.

OP’s posts: |

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