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Dreading Christmas Day

(6 Posts)
nannytothequeen Wed 03-Oct-18 03:12:53

That's it really. My children are with my ex and my ex friend, now his girlfriend. My mum died in January. I have no siblings. No other family. My friend has invited me to her place with another couple, but I am not sure I am up to being the gooseberry and she lives an hour and a half away.

When my ex walked away from our 25 year relationship 2 years ago he said that I could always have Christmas but he lied about that as he did many things.

I know it's just one day and I will collect the kids on Boxing Day; but I have always driven Christmas and now I'll be alone on the run up and on Christmas Day. That's it really.

OP’s posts: |
fieryginger Wed 03-Oct-18 03:25:45

Oh op, you've lost so much in a little time, it's like grieving. You are grieving your mum and your old life, the awful betrayal you've had. This first year will be the hardest, but I'd urge you not to spend it alone. Company will be a distraction at the very least.

Come Christmas Day, sadly, there will be a raft of people struggling for all sorts of reasons, many come on here for a handhold. Christmas is hard when things go wrong in your life. I lost my daughter to cancer, the very thought of Christmas was obscene without her, made me feel sick. It was so hard, but I got through it. My sister MADE us come to dinner, I'd written Christmas off and just wasn't doing it, but I'm glad we did. I think it's worth the drive to your friends house.

How come he's having them on the first Christmas? It seems a cruel thing for him to do.

Hugs op 💐💐💐

midnightmoon8 Wed 03-Oct-18 09:42:57

Hi OP, My thoughts are that the best thing to do would be to keep yourself busy on Christmas Day, could you do some voluntary work for the day so you are not alone. The Salvation Army and Crisis at Christmas rely on volunteers at Christmas. It would save you from sitting at home alone on Christmas Day and would occupy your mind for the day. Sending you a hug.

KlutzyDraconequus Wed 03-Oct-18 09:46:30

Yep, similar boat.. I'm thinking of booking the nicest place I can find and going having a lovely dinner and wine without the washing up. I think being alone but with others that are celebrating might make me feel more festive... Or crush me but at least there would be wine.. 😁

KathDayKnight50 Wed 03-Oct-18 09:54:37

What an awful situation. I feel for you, I really do flowers

I would use the time between now and Christmas to take charge of your situation. Take your power back.

I don't know how old your children are, but at a certain age I think they have the right to decide where they want to spend Christmas? Maybe one day, they will exercise this.

For this year though, I would definitely go to your friend's place. Even if you need to go to the bathroom and have a quiet cry, she will understand. That's what friends are for, after all. I would avoid being alone on Christmas Day.

In your mind, though, I would make this year's festivities all about Boxing Day, as that is the day you will see your children. That's your REAL Christmas Day now, isn't it? Anticipate and look forward to it. Think about what you are going to do with the children, choose a movie for them, a special activity to do at your house. Boxing Day could be a very special and memorable day for you all if you plan it well.

You can get through this, OP, and better than you think if you make a plan now.

nannytothequeen Wed 03-Oct-18 15:50:18

Yep. I was planning a special Boxing Day. I am in the Southern Hemisphere and so I thought a picnic and swimming at the beach with a movie in the evening. I guess I feel like my world has been ripped away. I used to host a big day often with my Mum over from the uk too. His new girlfriend used to be invited too when she was still a friend. I bought her presents! I might give the local Salvation Army a call. Don't know if they do anything. I am also unlikely to receive a single present or a single birthday present which is the week before. My ex has managed to paint me as crazy to long standing friends and I ended up moving away from my home of 14 years to s new town to escape.

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