Sorry for the long thread. My exDP left me very suddenly 18 months ago. We had been arguing a lot, I had made threats and ultimatums that I now regret, that he took me up on. After several days rowing with us each staying away different nights I woke up one sat morn with our 7yr old DD and 2yr old DS to an email saying that something in him had snapped and he needed some time apart to think. I was devastated, felt guilty and responsible for my part in the situation and tried to contact him to talk to him but he wouldn’t speak to me. I was left to manage the two children alone while my world was falling apart. I tracked him down at work (he runs his own business) on Sunday and he said he would meet me in the pub the next night to talk. We met for 45mins during which he told me how awful I had been, constantly criticising him and making his life hell. I cried and told him how sorry I was and begged for him to come home. He then left to stay I don’t know where. Friends came and helped hold me together while I tried to look after our children. My DD was especially upset, she was as shocked and as devastated as I was. (I had told her he was away working but eventually had to tell her that daddy was staying away for a little while because we hadn’t been getting on). It was awful. I tried not to contact him in the hope he would come back but sent one email again grovelling and begging for him to come home. Two weeks later I got an email at work saying he had got himself a flat and wanted the children to come and stay with him as soon as possible. I said we had to talk first, and persuaded him to come to two sessions of therapy where he said categorically he didn’t want to try, that his feelings for me had gone. We had been together 9 years, I knew things had been bad in recent months but put it down to no sleep (our 2yr old had never slept through the night, we were both exhausted, and both had v stressful jobs. The strange thing is he had always told me he loved me, the week before he had bought me a £3k diamond ring (I had been nagging him to get married, and I suppose he felt he should, but why spend £3k if he didn’t love me?) and had talked of our retirement together, etc). We had a connection above and beyond our children, ‘got’ each other, were attracted to each other (we had sex the week before we left) and made each other laugh, when we got the chance to have fun, which I admit wasn’t so often. Now, 18 months on, he is living in a flat a mile away, working all the hours he can, putting cash in the account, doing his share of childcare, sharing pics of kids, it’s all v civil (we both want to put childrn first so ensure that it is always civil). There is no other woman. I know because his family, mutual friends, etc tell me so. I just don’t understand why he would leave everything we built together to live a lonely life, be a part-time Dad, pay out maintenance etc. It makes no sense to me. Was I really so awful? I’m not proud of how I behaved but I was just exhausted, stressed and unhappy. I miss him still, despite everything, and miss our family. So do my children. My DD said she didn’t understand, because we ‘loved each other so much’. I believe we did. I just don’t understand why he left. Any help or insight appreciated.
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