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Want to split but cant afford to - need advice

(12 Posts)
Drawrob02 Sat 22-Sep-18 08:33:01

DH and I have made the decision to separate (I want this more than him though) but we just cant afford to.
We own a house with a mortgage. Its not worth much but we do have a small amount of capital in it which we could use as a deposit for a new place each.
The problem is debt. We have tons of it. Me especially. As we both work full time too, our childcare bill is huge. This wasnt a problem when we were together but when apart there's no way we could manage. Our credit ratings are excellent but i know i'd fail the affordability test for a mortgage. Renting isnt really an option as we have a rescue dog who is very much part of the family and most private landlords arent keen on pets.
Our house is only 2 bedroom and we have a young DD so there's no spare room.
We get along OK considering the situation but i feel totally stressed and trapped. Im having anxiety attacks and cant stop crying. There's no-one i can ask for money.

Is there any way out of this?

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Drawrob02 Wed 26-Sep-18 17:38:19


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Ellisandra Wed 26-Sep-18 17:50:59

Is your daughter now in with you so that you and your husband are in separate rooms?
That would be my first action.

Why do you say that you particularly have high debt? Aside from all assets and debts generally starting as 50/50 for divorce negotiation, is there a reason you think it’s your debt not his?

I think separate rooms and hammer the debt in any way you can.

Drawrob02 Thu 27-Sep-18 08:07:12

No, she's not 😕 We thought it would be easier her if everything just stayed the same in the house until one of us could move out.
DH and i have always thought of our finances as separate which is why i consider the debt to be mine. I also earn more.
Will defo do my best to hammer the debt. That's the plan. It just tough when we're so stretched.

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Xenia Thu 27-Sep-18 09:40:12

Could your husband afford to get a mortgage on a one bed flat plus stay on the current mortgage of the house (and you stay in the house) or would his income not stretch to that multiple? Or could you both divorce but live separate lives in the same house and also take weekend jobs to ensure you get the debt reduced as soon as possible?

Drawrob02 Thu 27-Sep-18 11:14:50

We can't stretch to running two houses. I actually don't think there's any other option apart from continuing to live together and trying to stay out each other's way and throwing everything we can at the debt.
It's just tough and I feel like we can't actually deal with the emotional side of the split until we've got the financial side sorted.
I'm so fecking angry at myself for getting in this situation in the first place.

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2boysDad Thu 27-Sep-18 15:37:08

Do u have a family member who could take in your dog?

Drawrob02 Thu 27-Sep-18 17:06:16

No. He's an old rescue and has had loads of issues and is quite challenging at times. There's no one that could take that on. I've thought about giving him up to a rescue but he's part of the family, my dd loves him and so do I tbh.

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notapizzaeater Thu 27-Sep-18 17:10:59

Have you ran your figures through you might be surprised what you can claim.

Notsohorriblehistory Thu 27-Sep-18 17:15:49

You will be entitled to working tax credit that will be fairly significant

plus help with child care costs

greendale17 Thu 27-Sep-18 17:19:36

*Could your husband afford to get a mortgage on a one bed flat plus stay on the current mortgage of the house (and you stay in the house) or would his income not stretch to that multiple?*

^OP is the high earner not the husband.

Drawrob02 Thu 27-Sep-18 18:22:47

Yeah, I did that. I'm would be entitled to some tax credits so that would help but it's just not enough. I contacted Step Change too although all they said was to keep payinh the minimum payments to preserve my credit rating. I'm totally cool with that - it is my debt after all. It's just going to take ages and until we're better off financially we just can't move on.

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