What happens now

[ComberBird33]

So after 7 years and 5 years of almost daily abuse of sorts I can’t take it anymore. We’re on holiday and the ritual is the same shouting at me over nothing, belittling me until I am crying. My two year old was comforting me today. I know it’s pathetic as I just couldn’t help myself crying after yet another unnecessary outburst when I suggested my DH waited to let a car past driven by an very old lady. This was the third verbal attack in an hour all over nothing.

I got advice from a lawyer a few years back but couldn’t cope with the idea of not seeing my son everyday who was very small.

Question is how do you survive in the same house when divorcing? My husband is a barrister and vicious. Do his threats to take me to the cleaners etc have any bearing on the outcome. I know he will never move out.

I won’t be able to talk to a solicitor for another week or so as I can’t leave him with the kids.

Any practical advice? Thanks

[lifebegins50]

Firstly get advice secretly. Plan it first.

Gather financial info and record his working hours/childcare availability.

If he decides to play dirty there is not much you can do accept have alternative evidence.
Do you work, can you survive financially?

[ComberBird33]

I will talk to my solicitor as I said and recall a lot of what she said before. We both work. Me often more than him and I also travel but I have worked for home two days a week at least for over 1.5 years now and average less than a full week taking holidays/ extra time I am allowed off into account. In terms of working hours I do more but can do mor from home and have more flexibility to a point. Does emotional abuse in anyway count against him in this? He is never physically threatening except refusing to leave me alone when I ask etc

[Singlenotsingle]

You'll have to be patient and clever with this, always one step ahead. If he won't move out, you might have to. It's very difficult to live in the same house, although in theory, you can be separated. You'd have to sleep separately, no more sex, no more cooking for him, or washing.

Have you got anywhere else you can go with the DC? Emotional abuse would be classed as unreasonable behaviour, and grounds for divorce.

He isn't physically abusive because he knows that would give you grounds to get an injunction.

[ComberBird33]

No I don’t have anywhere to go / no family in England - except to rent somewhere but I didn’t think I could just take the kids? We also have live in childcare.

I was wondering in terms of cuatoday thought does emotional abuse count against him?

He has also said he will contest a divorce

[TwentySmackeroos]

I am not in the UK so can’t offer practical advice but my ex is also a barrister and I have found it an uphill battle in separating, feeling completely outflanked in all discussions. My advice would be to invest in a heavyweight solicitor who can face down a professional colleague. I am assuming you are not a lawyer yourself (I am not).

Mediated separation was not an option as ex was stronger and more skilled than the mediator. Please ensure you do not get drawn into conversations / negotiations without your own representative. Ex would try to doorstep me in the kitchen at pickup with proposed arrangements that I was not equally qualified to take on. Insist on a formal framework for any conversations. This was particularly difficult for me to navigate, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

[Singlenotsingle]

Realistically, most people don't defend a divorce. It's expensive, and unlikely to succeed. If one person is so unhappy they want to terminate the marriage, it's not going to survive. Judges are quite practical in that respect.

Most husbands wouldn't stop you taking the kids . Yours probably would want to, because he's got the cash, and he knows the law.

[MissedTheBoatAgain]

To OP

Be brave and file for Divorce. That your Ex is a Barrister and knows more about the Law than you does not mean the Courts will not treat the proceedings objectively and fairly.

Good luck.

[Candyflip]

Why can’t you leave him with the kids to meet a lawyer? Why don’t you leave? Seriously? Is this the life you want for your children?