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help make sense of my feelings - children

(7 Posts)
SofiaJessica4 Sat 25-Aug-18 20:27:22

Please could someone weigh in on my feelings / give me some rational responses.

My husband recently separated from me - just a few weeks ago. I was pretty against children for a lot of our relationship (6 years) mostly as had a miserable childhood and thought I’d be a crap mother, with poor parenting skills and we have very little family support, I felt I could sink into PND quite easily (history of depression).

BUT I always assumed my husband would convince me & we would end up doing it later. I thought he was sure he’d convince me too - he’s said that before also. He loves children. I’m 32 now. Since the split I see babies everywhere and feel sad and that maybe I really did want and expect that with him after all.

Does this mean I want children after all? Does that mean I need to think f** better hurry up and find someone else before time runs out! I’ve been told to cut my losses and run, that I need to get on with it now.

Also worried I may be infertile as we used no protection for 5 years (withdrawal method only).

I think I would like a family with the right support in place.

Xxx

OP’s posts: |
Notbeingrobbed Mon 27-Aug-18 08:13:18

It’s entirely up to you. Women are so conditioned to think that being married and having children is the be all and end all. There are so many other things we can do with our lives.

Myself, I’ll never regret having children. I DO regret being married. Don’t throw yourself at anyone or rush into anything. Be happy in yourself first.

LusaCole Mon 27-Aug-18 08:17:09

Be kind to yourself OP. It's early days and you are feeling very sad - too soon to be making life decisions about whether or not you want children. Leave it for a few months before you start rushing to couple up and/or get pregnant.

Also I've used the withdrawal method for years and never had an unplanned pregnancy- it doesn't mean you're infertile. I got pregnant easily when I wanted to.

SofiaJessica4 Mon 27-Aug-18 13:11:14

Thank you for your kind replies. I know it’s early days and just need to try to carry on xx

OP’s posts: |
Lcox10 Sat 01-Sep-18 20:30:33

Everyone is different, I always knew I wanted children but I have a few friends who are certain they don't.

Take it one step at a time, focus on you for now, find your own happiness and when the time is right and you meet the right person then maybe you will want kids, or maybe you won't but it really doesn't matter as long as you are happy in yourself

SofiaJessica4 Sat 01-Sep-18 21:01:33

Thank you. That is true. Struggling to know what will make me happy right now sad

OP’s posts: |
Lcox10 Sat 01-Sep-18 21:29:12

I know the feeling.

My hubby also left a few weeks ago, all came as a massive shock and I have days where I just can't imagine how I'll ever be happy in the future. But I know I will even if it seems a long way off right now.

One foot in front of the other, one step and one day at a time.

You'll find your happiness just as I'm sure I'll find mine x

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