Contact with father

[radmum81]

Hi, my husband had an affair about 18 months ago and we separated last June. He was engaged 2 weeks after moving out. He was remarried a week after the divorce came through.

He has had our two girls every wednesday evening overnight and then every second weekend. My girls are 14 (has adhd) and 8 (has autism).

They find coping with the new wife very difficult particularly my eldest. The new wife is confrontational and says hurtful things to my daughters. My eldest goes completely off the rails when she is at her fathers, recently her dad dropped her off to youth club an hour early because he didn't want to hang around and wait and she got into a fight with older girls which involved the police. A couple of weeks later he let her get the bus to a city 20 miles away where she got completely pissed and I had a call from the hospital to collect her. He told the girls not to tell me that he had allowed her to go to this city but to lie and tell me he thought she was at a friends house.

He is very manipulative and lies frequently. My eldest is now refusing all contact. My youngest doesn't want overnight stays/or going to his flat but just wants to go out locally for an hour or so with him. He has contacted me today to say this is not enough and he wants more. Ive tried to be nice and say let the children guide what they want but he's digging his heels in (he knows he has to pay more maintenance if he has no overnight stays!). He has now said he will take me to court for joint custody!!

Help someone please! My girls are vulnerable and when in his care they aren't well looked after. He refuses to let them use body wash/shampoo at his flat and said they need to provide their own and once when my eldest was ill he wouldn't get her any paracetamol as he said I should provide it. He didn't get my daughter a birthday present and can be very hurtful to the girls calling them "stupid cow" and "silly bitch".

Any advice welcome x

[inlectorecumbit]

Let him take you to court for 50;50. I bet he doesn't really want it-he is just trying to get to you.

[MrsBertBibby]

What do you need advice about?

[Lilymossflower]

get a residency order stating the girls live with you and have no contact with father unless suitable and safely arranged their safety is paramount and they are clearly not safe with him because he is abusive and neglectful. xx

[Melliegrantfirstlady]

If you are certain his motivation is financial - tell him you will not pursue him through the csa for extra funds?

Problem solved

[Kate96]

Hi,
I have a question that I hope you can help me with:
I separated from my ex last year.
We have a daughter 5 y.o who leaves with me and the father has the usual contact arragements (overnight wednesdays and every other weekend)
The father is registered on the birth certificate and my daughter carries the father's surname as it is written at the BC.
I hate to have to put my childs name using the father's surname, when I have to enrol her in the school, ballet classes, swimming, etc.
I have been told that I cannot change my daughter's surnmame but I am assuming this only applies to the official birth certificate unless I have his consent, which obviously he will refuse.
Does any off you have the same feeling that me?
would I be in trouble if I just change my daughter's name to mine on every day occasion as explained above?
It is my child and I do not want to be reminded of him every time I hear his name.
Can anyone help / advise?
Thanks in advance to all
regards
Katie