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He's controlling me

(10 Posts)
ivegotthisyeah Tue 14-Aug-18 22:17:05

Hi all,

Don't really post much but so fed up on the stbx. After failed mediation we were waiting to go to court to arrange finances. Bit of back ground I work part time very low wage an i did that the bring up our three children. He basically had an affair and fathered another child as a result of affair.
He has taken it on himself to empty the bank account which was joint and emailed me to advise of his shite contribution he will give me a month. All without any court deciding he's basically giving me the minimum on csa which is not enough. He just wants to control me with how much money I have a month. I have instructed a solicitor so that's all in hand I just find it soooo frustrating he can cut off money like that and expect us to live.
So what do I do? Cut down the number of nights he has the kids which I don't really want to do but he literally has them 2/3 night a week then delivers them back to me to feed cloth wash and send to school / nursery. Typical Disney Dad while I do all the hard work. I pay for all uniforms hobbies childcare etc anything to do with the kids. sad

OP’s posts: |
ivegotthisyeah Tue 14-Aug-18 22:18:34

May I add he earns 5 times what I do angry

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MissedTheBoatAgain Wed 15-Aug-18 06:59:25


Suggest you keep access to children and maintenance as two issues rather than mix them. Courts might not like that access to father is restricted over a money issue.

If you are genuinely struggling speak to your solicitor about a Maintenance Pending Suit (MPS). This is a court hearing that can be arranged at short notice apparently. The idea is that court will make an interim maintenance order to tide you over until finances are resolved.

As for the joint account my ex did same, but there was not much in to begin with. Maybe 200 pounds at most

Thamesis Wed 15-Aug-18 11:09:15

Have you checked the 'entitled to' website? You may be eligible for extra financial support. You may also be able to get spousal maintenance if you're going through court process for finances. Good luckflowers

MissedTheBoatAgain Thu 16-Aug-18 03:30:23


If you are working part time on low wage have you may be entitled to Working Tax Credits. You may also be entitled to Child Benefit and Child Tax Credits if you have already split up. Check that you are paying the correct Council Tax as should be entitled to a reduction if are the only adult in the house. Might be eligible for help child care costs too if you are living as single parent.

ivegotthisyeah Thu 16-Aug-18 19:51:59

Thanks for your replies and advice I have set up the benefits so that's all good what really ticks me off is that he is controlling how much money I have to live off while he is enjoying holidays and new cars and I'm making major sacrifices to the way we live it's just not fair. I supported him while his career took off and work part time he's totally shafted me and he kids and doesn't give a toss!! How men who do this can this and with themselves is beyond me x

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dangermousegoesswimming Thu 16-Aug-18 23:42:18

Hi I'vegot. Similar situation here. (he's on 85K, I'm on 12K with the 3 kids). I'm going to see solicitor on Monday as I've ad enough (separted 3 years) and hopefully get free from it all.

MissedTheBoatAgain Fri 17-Aug-18 04:33:57

How men who do this can this and with themselves is beyond me

Amazes me too.

Although the divorce got nasty as Ex wife made it "I must win at all costs" revenge contest I still pay more than the CMS figure as the Child had nothing to do with the failed marriage. Ex receives the CMS assessment figure in hand and I pay for other things like; Birthdays, Christmas, Out of School Hobbies and Holidays myself.

dangermousegoesswimming Fri 17-Aug-18 16:04:20

I kind of understand when the circumstance are like that missedboat. I have never asked him for anything and left with nothing (built up my own home from scratch as he is still in family home and I rent). I think I was (and still am) determined to be as independent as I am. It's just got the 3 years now and I am beginning to understand how I did contribute to the home in bringing up his kids and leaving my own job and profession only to have to start again on minimum wage.
In fact, I don't want any revenge. I don't want 50/50 or however they split it. I just want to deposit for my own home that he promised me (and had from another house he just sold) and then changed his mind when he got the money.

MissedTheBoatAgain Sat 18-Aug-18 02:00:26


That you are looking to achieve independence is good. However, you are still entitled to your fair share of assets. What is considered fair will Ben decided by the courts. However, if you are the lower earner and are looking after the children courts may award you more than 50%? Don’t do what one of my parents friends did and walk away with nothing just to get ex out of your life.

You mentioned CSA in first post. It’s actually CMS these days. Have you had an official assessment made? Or is is calculation your ex has made himself?

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