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Trying to be brave

(9 Posts)
happiertomorrow Thu 09-Aug-18 11:30:27

My partner and I split up last week. We have a 2.5 year old and I'm 20 weeks pregnant. He says he gradually fell out of love with me after we had our daughter.

I am heartbroken but would never want to continue in a loveless relationship if the other person didn't feel what I was feeling.

I am sad and a bit lost.

I know my children's happiness and stability come first, and my common sense tells me that better days will come.

How do I make myself feel better in the meantime?

OP’s posts: |
lifebegins50 Thu 09-Aug-18 11:51:21

Oh bless you, I think that it is very tough and I hope you have real life support. He seems completely selfish and long term you will be better off without him.

Might be worth getting this moved to relationships board as more traffic there.

The reality will sink in and you will need to grieve. Easy for me to say but you need to take care of yourself and rest when you can. Try to allow yourself treats as being pregnant, managing a toddler and separation is very stressful.

Do you suspect OW? Sorry to say it is often the case.
What is the housing situation, will you need to move?
As you are not married I guess his suppirt will be CMS or will he be more generous?

happiertomorrow Thu 09-Aug-18 12:11:55

He has been texting an ex from his distant past but I think that has been the catalyst to the split and not the underlying problem.

I won't have to move imminently- he has moved out but we do have to sort out our home ownership etc.

We are not married which is better for me as I am the higher earner/more careful with money.

I just want to feel better about myself really. I know I am a good person with a lot to give but it really really hurts that the person I love and have committed to doesn't love me in return.

OP’s posts: |
Jupiter9 Thu 09-Aug-18 12:37:46

You both need to be committed 120% to a relationship. Never understand why partners think grass is greener somewhere else. Once your into children, bills, mortgage, shopping, housework, normal day to day life. It's all the same. There's too many distractions today. Your partner should be focusing on you and the children. Sounds like your well rid of him. Good luck.

lifebegins50 Thu 09-Aug-18 15:31:10

You have not failed here, you commited to a man who is flaky. Everyone has the right to leave a relationship but with a toddler and baby I think he is bailing.

Only time will tell if he is not capable of commitment with anyone, some people can't live outside the honeymoon phase.

Please don't blame yourself and understandably you are taking the rejection personally when there is likely to be other reasons, more to do with him.

Remember you are a capable woman who will be a mum to two children..that is an amazing feat. I hope you have people in real life around you who love you. You deserve better and life will be brighter.

Don't feel the need to be too brave, most people would crumble under these circumstances so let those feelings out.

happiertomorrow Thu 09-Aug-18 15:40:03

Thank you for the replies/support.

I am very fortunate as I have a lovely daughter, another child on the way, a supportive family, great friends near and far, a successful career and my own home.

I feel very very sad about losing my partner but he does have his own issues to sort out. My main hope is that he can do that and keep focussed on being a good father to our 2 little ones.

I need to let go for both our sakes and do we can co-parent successfully, but I don't really want to, yet. It's so hard and confusing.

He has been weak and cowardly in ending our relationship with the respect I deserve. I recognise that now.

Looking forward with friends and family by my side, hoping to see brighter days.

OP’s posts: |
Jupiter9 Fri 10-Aug-18 07:47:32

There are so many selfish partners with young children. Be brave.

lifebegins50 Fri 10-Aug-18 09:23:31

You sound amazing and it will be his loss.

Sadly you can't make someone a good parent and ime how he acts towards you will be similar with the children.
He may just be incapable of grown up responsibilities, sadly can be common for some men (and women but pregnancy and childbirth tends to give us no chance to runaway!)

Notbeingrobbed Sun 12-Aug-18 10:55:19

The great news for you is that you didn’t marry and you’re the higher earner. You’re a shrewd person! He’s not worth having if he treats you this way. It will be painful for now but it will work out OK. You are entitled to find someone who does care for you instead.

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