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Heres to a new start(3 Posts)
I have been following lots of these posts on here for the last 4 years but never posted. However having asked my husband to leave over a month ago I can see a lot of similarities in my story with others so just thought I would say where i am at in the hope it will make someone else realise that other people are going through the same thing and how we can all deal with it and hopefully get some positive thoughts off different people on how they cope. My situation was with stbxh 19 years married 14. 2 beautiful children 11 and 7. To cut a long story short my husband has been having an affair for the last 4 years (now think it is the 1st of many). 2nd time I have asked him to leave over relationship with OW. (he wormed his way back in last time should never have taken him back).Over the last 4 years i have had pathological lies, mental abuse (him telling me i am cracking up), lack of help with children.. the list is endless I could write a book on the way he has treated me and you wouldn't believe half the lies. This time no going back...I am filing for divorce tomorrow. Tonight I have had to write down a list of unreasonable behaviours and having read it back to myself I am thinking what was I doing staying with this man?! Things that have helped me in the last month are 1. Sleeping well-if I don't get a good nights sleep I struggle the next day 2. Arrange fun things to do with children- it doesn't have to cost anything! Board games are back in fashion in our house and also visits to the beach 3. Reacquaint with old friends and family who I haven't seen for a while. 4 Do some exercise 5. Realise it's OK to have a cry sometimes. 6. Get good advice! Get a solicitor/ you can trust 7. Look foward not back I have the rest of my life ahead of me and it's going to be so much better without the lowlife of my ex husband in it. 8. Keep contact with stbxh to a minimum. The marriage counsellor we went to see refused to counsel us as she said my husband was a narcissist. The only way to cut yourself off from a narcissist is to not give them anything . I could scream and shout at my husband for what he has done but instead I competely ignore him (unless in front of children). 9. Realise that all the problems and personality traits of stbxh will soon be OWs problems...that does make me smile. 10 Get some good music.. this is me from the greatest showman is my anthem at the mo! My kids love it too. Off to bed now otherwise I will be a cranky emotional woman tom but I will be taking the first steps to being a happier woman. Any top tips anyone else has had would be appreciated! Xx
I can relate to most of what you describe, except for the affair. My STBX had an ongoing affair with a car, so I suppose it is similar. .
I wish the relate counsellor had refused to counsel us. It was my idea and I was sceptical about it but it was a last ditch attempt on my behalf. The 6 sessions we went to together played out exactly as I had been told it would, with a narcissist. It was a complete waste of time.
I can also relate to this I could write a book on the way he has treated me and you wouldn't believe half the lies as I often have this thought myself, about knobhead.
The only advice I was given which helped a little was from one of my STBX ex best friends when he told me that I should prepare myself to accept that everything will be my fault. It isn't, but that is what I am dealing with at the moment.
It's also good to know that there are others out there who have had similar experiences. It just goes to prove that we are not the crazy ones
There will come a day that you will have no feeling about what happened either way. You won’t be happy or sad. It becomes just something that happened. That’s my experience anyway.
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