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If life " gives you lemons " and you are getting divorced

(13 Posts)
Pippioddstocking Sat 04-Aug-18 07:52:50

Would anyone else like to ram them up their darlings exes arse?!

Getting divorced is truely the pits . Every day seems to be a new drama , another thing to remind you that you married someone who turned out to not be quite what they said they were.

Anyone else going through this ?

OP’s posts: |
sosickofthisshit Sat 04-Aug-18 10:44:41

Yes me. It's shit. The only thing keeping me going is knowing the end will eventually come and I won't ever have to have anything to do with him ever again.

Somebodytellme Sat 04-Aug-18 10:46:03

Yes

scotgal2017 Sat 04-Aug-18 10:47:37

Just about to start, first appointment with sol next week to see what the story is with starting it off.....he wanted it but as usual hasn't bothered his arse to start it, i want to be done and dusted. From the way he's been talking he's had no intention of starting it even soon, he'll be surprised it's coming from me I think so that'll be fun.....

bluetrampolines Sat 04-Aug-18 10:53:13

Almost 2 years on. Not much further forward. I've put a lot of friendships on hold. Yes it is shit.

Pippioddstocking Sat 04-Aug-18 22:50:46

I hate the way my STBXH seems to be skipping off in a future of happiness whilst I'm left putting together the pieces of my life .
For the children's sake I have to be civil but really I want to poke his eyes out and never see the lying cheating arsehole ever again .
It's the evenings that are the worst when the children are in bed and I look in the mirror and think seriously , I'm supposed to start all over again , arggghhhhhh.
So , what's our strategy to get through this ??

OP’s posts: |
JugglingaBoxofFrogs Sun 05-Aug-18 08:43:26

It is shit. There's a whole load of emotions to be dealt with whilst trying to function normally.

I am lucky that I don't actually have to see him or speak to him. Our relationship had got so bad that I lived my life practically in silence and our children just found his presence in the house annoying.

Given that he betrayed my trust, was disloyal and disrespectful to me and our children and, it appears, that he never really loved me, my strategy is to think that I would rather be alone and at peace, than with somebody who doesn't care about me or our children.

It's not easy, but when things are really bad I keep telling myself that it could be worse. He could still be here.

Marlboroandmalbec34 Sun 05-Aug-18 09:17:51

Yep it’s shit, and heartbreaking and crap x

Sohardtochooseausername Sun 05-Aug-18 10:06:16

I can so relate to this and it’s only been a few weeks since I told my partner it’s over. flowers

MissedTheBoatAgain Mon 06-Aug-18 09:32:15

To OP

Been there too. I was the applicant for the Divorce. Ex tried to thwart it from the beginning. The marriage certificate disappeared soon after I filed the petition. When ex realized they could not prevent the divorce they turned things into a contest and a large chunk of what family had went on Legal costs over a period of 18 months.

Lorry123 Mon 06-Aug-18 16:18:03

When you are in the thick of it you can't see a way out, but I promise the day does come when you look back with relief that it's all over and you can move forward.

My experience was the same horrendous story, cheating ex, who then became abusive and rude when he couldn't control me anymore, he took me to court, tried to turn my kids against me - oh and I had a cancer diagnosis a week before our court date.

BUT, 2 years on, I have a wonderful DP, a new home for me and the kids and absolutely zero contact with that git anymore and life is peaceful once again. And I can see that I have dodged one massive bullet - I am thankful he left the marriage and I could see what he really was.

It will end.

Pippioddstocking Wed 08-Aug-18 09:47:54

Thank you for sharing your stories .
A friend reminded me last night that 15 years ago I had reported some concerns about my husband to her and how glad she is that finally I will be free of him .
It's reassuring to know that some of you did find new partners. At the moment the thought of another relationship simply terrifies me. Then I think post children and nearly 40 I'm also not the spring chicken some men might be hoping to find!
Juggling - such wise words . I'm going to repeat them when the going gets tough because the thought " that he could still be here " just fills me with more despair than the feelings of being alone .
I do agree that it's the betrayal that has been the worst . If I hear one more time from another friend " we'll, now you are separated I thought you should know also about ........ that he did " I might just scream . I realise that I'm not sure I ever really properly knew him at all .

OP’s posts: |
scotgal2017 Wed 08-Aug-18 10:19:09

Mine was abusive for pretty much the whole 20 years I was with him. We were stuck in that abuse cycle. Ironically it's actually him that walked away saying we both deserve to be happy (5 months later suddenly he had met someone, knowing him he had her waiting in the wings but he denies it). I went to therapy to sort myself out and deal with my issues and a year on I feel pretty good (apart from no job but hey ho, it will come soon I'm sure).

I have to say I was pretty much over him really quickly. There was that sense of relief when he left. I've always been very independent and the nature of his job means he worked away for weeks at a time so me and the kids were used to being just the 3 of us, i think this helped immensely in us being able to cope as the home dynamic had not really changed much (except the 3 of us didn't have to walk on eggshells and we actually became closer, there was more laughing and smiling in the last years since he left than in the whole time we were a family of 4))

A few months after he had left I went very low contact and said I did not want to be friends (in the first few months I wasn't begging and chasing but I was quite soft and wanted to keep it friendly) which he said "sounded cold". Well, that's just tough. I was focusing on me and my Dcs as that was most important. I even wrote a list of some of the things he did to me over the years, printed it off and I carry it in my handbag....if ever I think about him or it wasn't that bad etc, I pull out the list to give myself a kick that it was that bad, he was an abusive arsehole and I deserve much better.

Got the sol appointment this afternoon to see if I am in a position to start the divorce. I hope it's good news although it's hard to tell what his reaction will be if I am in a position to file. Might have to get the old tin hat on and batten down for stormy weather for a while but it will be worth it in the end!!

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