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(24 Posts)
ThroughHell Mon 30-Jul-18 23:44:25

Would just appreciate someone to talk to, feeling very alone

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TiredPony Mon 30-Jul-18 23:46:20

You ok? I'm divorced, come and talk.

ThroughHell Mon 30-Jul-18 23:47:55

Going through divorce now, have changed name as stbxh stalked me on here before, can’t give any details for that reason but just feel really really down

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ThroughHell Mon 30-Jul-18 23:48:10

Thanks for responding

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ThroughHell Mon 30-Jul-18 23:49:00

Like your name

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Weareallstoriesintheend Mon 30-Jul-18 23:51:00

Divorced too. Hiflowers

ThroughHell Tue 31-Jul-18 00:00:37

Thank you for responding too, and for the flowers. It feels as if I will never be divorced

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TiredPony Tue 31-Jul-18 00:06:25

You will get there. I promise you that. I'm there, it's behind me. It's tough I won't lie. But you will come out the other side.

surlycurly Tue 31-Jul-18 00:07:31

It took me a long time to finally get divorced. It was hell. You'll get through it, and you won't always be lonely xx

ThroughHell Tue 31-Jul-18 00:09:27

I know that really, it’s just so hard sometimes when stbxh makes everything so damn difficult, there is no reasoning with him in any way

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Bouledeneige Tue 31-Jul-18 00:14:17

Divorced too - 10 years. It gets better honestly. But you have to accept the sadness and pain now. That's the cure in the end and it will work it's way of your system. I know how awful it can be but one day you will wake up and it won't be the first thing to hit you in the eyes and stomach.

Hold on to those dear to you and the small moments of simple pleasures.

ThroughHell Tue 31-Jul-18 00:19:12

You are all very kind... I’m not always like this, much worse when I get into bed and thinking takes over... and yes, those dear to me are the reason to carry on... simple pleasures lighten up the heaviness

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ThroughHell Tue 31-Jul-18 00:58:16


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Bouledeneige Wed 01-Aug-18 19:41:09

Keep going - this too will pass.

And you will start to relish being the master of your own fate. If you can't sleep, turn the light on, make a cup of tea and read. If the kids aren't there and you fancy staying in bed all day watching boxsets - do it. If you're dying to see an old friend who lives out of town - book it and go.

Chances are this will be the making of you! It just takes time. One day you will wonder how you ever cooed being part of that relationship and realise you are now free. Trust it.

iamthrough Thu 02-Aug-18 08:55:58

Hi @Throughhell Hope you are having some better days. I am also going through divorce. What has helped me is learning to recognise the down days and don't fight it - wallow for 24 hrs and I'm learning to understand thats all part of the healing process. On good days make a point of recognising the positives - do things you wouldn't have done if you were still with your Ex - even if that is only being in control of the TV remote - or having a microwave meal for one that's just YOUR choice. Also try reaching out to friends locally you may be surprized to learn someone you know is also going through - or has already been through a divorce too and having a chat face to face with someone who understands is invaluable.

Karigan198 Thu 02-Aug-18 08:59:29

Hey, I remember that feeling from when I got divorced. It’ll take a bit of time to heal but you will get there. I joined some clubs and hobbies and actually met my new partner through one.

I know it sucks but you aren’t alone. flowers

Tessie56 Thu 02-Aug-18 23:01:55

I really feel your pain here. I’ve separated from my husband after 19 years of marriage because of the emotional abuse he was inflicting on me and the kids. Even though he was never really emotionally available to me, I’m still finding the separation lonely. My family are trying their best to be supportive but they just don’t get it. Feel so alone.

Borris Thu 02-Aug-18 23:04:55

I’m joining in too. A mixture of loneliness and relief at being on my own.

ThroughHell Fri 03-Aug-18 00:15:06

Thank you all so much for your replies - they are very much appreciated.

Bouledeneige - I do have some times like this whilst stbxh is away, but mostly he’s here (living in same house for now) which is very limiting.

iamthrough - you make many good suggestions, some of which I’m already trying. It’s surprising to discover how many people are divorced!! You’re right, talking to someone actually going through the same experience is invaluable, with so much understanding.

Karigan198 - I’m so glad you have found a new partner. My current activities mostly seem to involve women but there are lots more things I’d like to do...

Tessie56 - my family are similar, but I’m lucky enough to have some amazing friends. Coming on here really helps although I have to be careful about posting, so I’m often just reading.

Borris - I have seen you on another thread, and though stbxh still lives here, the loneliness of not having a special person to care is pretty grim.

flowers to all of you x

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sad9999 Mon 06-Aug-18 03:59:10

Can I join. Terrified of being on my own long term but was so lonely in a bad marriage with an impotent husband. Hoping for some fun now

Karigan198 Mon 06-Aug-18 10:09:38

Please don’t be terrified. I had two years of being alone until I found my new partner. I made a ton of friends, went on loads of excursions, found new hobbies and had a lot of fun. Sometimes I miss it but I also found my new guy through one of those hobbies. It’s been 4 years now and it’s stoll good and s hell of a lot better than what I left. If you don’t shut that old door the new one can’t open.

May I make a suggestion. Make a whatsapp group so you can support each other. There is nothing worse than the loneliness ofdivorce. Whilst it will pass it doesn’t always feel like it and it’s better knowing your not alone and can talk to someone.

ThroughHell Wed 08-Aug-18 10:26:08

@sad9999 I know exactly what you mean. I try to remember that being on my own will definitely be better than being with my stbxh

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paigestudent Mon 01-Oct-18 15:45:34

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

surlycurly Tue 02-Oct-18 02:45:00

But tackless to add onto this thread @paigestudent. You could have started your own thread and I'm sure people would have answered your survey. You're exploiting the very vulnerable bit of people by asking them to fill that in from here.

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