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Am I being taken for a ride?

(24 Posts)
Snowwhiteapple Tue 24-Jul-18 20:23:35


In the middle of divorce proceedings and mediation. Family home has been valued at £370,000 and STBXH has said I’m only entitled to half the equity and nothing else. He is living in the family home whilst I’m renting privately.

We are awaiting mediation but I feel unsettled now and want to feel confident otherwise I feel he is going to beat me down and I’ll come out of this worse off.

OP’s posts: |
Snowwhiteapple Tue 24-Jul-18 20:25:45

Just to add, the equity wouldn’t get me somewhere else to live and my mortgage capacity is dire as my income isn’t great.

I have looked into help to buy schemes but I’m still out of my depth financially.

OP’s posts: |
user1471530109 Tue 24-Jul-18 20:29:08

It depends on so many things.
Do you have DC?
How long were you married etc? Are there other assets? Pensions?

Snowwhiteapple Tue 24-Jul-18 20:44:58

Yes we have 3 children 16,14,11 and we’re married for 17 years.

He runs a successful business of his own.

OP’s posts: |
RandomMess Tue 24-Jul-18 20:47:42

Do the DC reside with you?

Snowwhiteapple Tue 24-Jul-18 21:25:48

Yes the majority of the time. Middle child stays at his dads maybe most weekends but with me during the week.

OP’s posts: |
NorthernSpirit Tue 24-Jul-18 21:30:12

The start point is 50:50, however as the RP with 3 children living you, you are very likely to be entitled to more equity.

All assets are taken into account, savings, pensions, cars, houses. Start is 50:50.

lifebegins50 Tue 24-Jul-18 21:30:41

Are you involved in his business? Can you get a schedule of the assets? Does he have pension? Do you know his income?

I would seek legal advice before mediation but when you have a good view of finances.

Housing needs will be a priority for you both but if you cant increase your income dramatically and he can raise a mortgage you are likely to get more of the equity to help with housing needs.
You could also use csa for mortgage if its in a consent order but will need to shop around for providers.

Underhousearrest Tue 24-Jul-18 21:32:14

Even though you are going to mediation I still think you need proper legal advice. It will be worth the money you spend.

MrsBertBibby Wed 25-Jul-18 07:53:22

No one can answer this question on this limited info.

See a solicitor for proper advice.

MissedTheBoatAgain Wed 25-Jul-18 08:14:50

Another Crystal Ball question on MN!

Seems to be flavour of the week. Several posts about the 50:50 Asset split. Only thing that can be said for certainty is that assets are considered jointly owned. After that it is all down to the specifics of the case.

Hideandgo Wed 25-Jul-18 08:16:28

Be careful OP, it sounds like he is trying to screw you. Get a (good) solicitor now.

user1522690186 Fri 27-Jul-18 10:24:23

I wonder if I can get some advice. I will keep it short ;

married 18 years together 24

3 children now 15,20,21 two eldest at uni

I am disabled so cannot work aged 50

He is 49 and earns 150k plus has a very nice car worth 90k

I have a car 2.5K

no pensions no ISA no savings

I am trying not to get stitched up in the settlement and really need advice > thanks

Thelittlethingsinlife Fri 27-Jul-18 13:17:03

@user1522690186 you need to start your own thread. Go to the Divorce section and click Add Thread.

Can you afford a solicitor? The only way to ensure you don't get stitched up is to get good legal advice.

Leliana Fri 27-Jul-18 19:13:36

Mediation works when it takes place "in the shadow of the law". You both need independent legal advice so you know roughly what is reasonable and what might be ordered if this ended up in court.

Remember that court is stressful and expensive, so if you're close to agreement but can't agree on something that's only worth a couple of thousand pounds, you're best just compromising and agreeing in mediation. One woman I know declined a settlement in mediation, ended up in court, and got an eventual settlement £7k better than the deal offered in mediation - but had spent £25k of her capital in legal fees going through the court process. She'd have been £18k better off settling in mediation. So be reasonable, but do take legal advice to ensure you're not settling for too little.

user1522690186 Fri 27-Jul-18 19:33:41

To be brutally honest @ Leliana he is a pig headed and stubborn man .

He does not want to pay me anything .He will not compromise. We have been to court twice ! Judge ruled mediation or court costs will be 25k a day over 3 days .

There is no family home was sold years ago and we lived abroad .

A family member lives in it currently and stbx refuses to put it in the asset pot . I am on benefits and ill health so can not get a mortgage.

Its such a mess.

user1522690186 Fri 27-Jul-18 19:36:02

I meant to say family home sold but a second one on a buy to let . The family member lives there rent free for 15 years however , did put down a third of the cost price as the deposit.

NorthernSpirit Fri 27-Jul-18 19:48:16

@user1522690186 - court costs won’t be £25k a day! If you go to court over the finances there are 3 hearings. A decent barrister will charge £1k per session and you’ll have barristers fees on top.

Mediation is the cheapest route. As as you aren’t working i’m not sure what other option you have?

My OH’s EW was insistent on court. My OH offered her many deals, all of which were much better than the deal she eventually got 18 months later - decided by a judge. The process cost her £15k.

NorthernSpirit Fri 27-Jul-18 19:48:44

I meant solicitor fees on top.

user1522690186 Fri 27-Jul-18 19:55:41

@ Northernspirit I can honestly say that is what he said at the 2nd FDR hearing re court costs.

I do not want to go to final hearing as the costs will be astronomical and come out of my settlement .

He had a super hard nosed Barrister £3k

I had a middle one £1.5k

Basically I have run out of money. I took out a 5k loan -that has gone on legal fees . I have borrowed 3K off my sister that has gone and I received a massive invoice off my solicitor today to top it off .

lifebegins50 Fri 27-Jul-18 22:19:21

User, have you been offered a deal, if so what issues are stopping you from settling? What was the Judge's directives at FDR as that is likely to be indicative of final settlement but as it will be another Judge it could be worse.

user1522690186 Sat 28-Jul-18 09:01:26

@ lifebeginsat50 yes I have been offered a proposal . It was mediocre to say the least.

Good bits -his life assurance till maturity is that 60? plus school fees for my youngest.
Bad bits - no pension, no house no car and lump sum payments over 4 years but he is useless with money has a lavish lifestyle spending frivolously . Never pays school fees on time or my maintenance money .

He lies big time !

The judge could see The wife (me) was being bullied or bamboozled
into settling and mentioned mediation round the table for a day and not court as costly and the money could go to better use .

Judge was very vague on his answers.

wakeupsmelltheroses Sat 28-Jul-18 21:25:25

I worked out how to name change woo hoo!

@snowwhiteapple sorry to gate crash your thread. How are you doing any further developments ?

Orangetictacsarebest Sat 28-Jul-18 21:35:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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