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I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.....but need Relate

(5 Posts)
Bloss1978 Wed 18-Jul-18 15:55:30

Sooooo, after years of up's and down's things have reached a head and I asked hubby to come to Relate with me. Booked in for next week.

Thing is, I love him truly, madly and deeply. Well, the love one side of him that way - the reasonable level headed side who is my best friend.... But the other side of him is controlling, unreasonable, negative, jealous and just downright nasty at times....

So two questions;

1. Has anyone ever ever separated/divorced their husband even though they still loved them but just couldn't get on;

2. Any experience of Relate? Good? Bad?

OP’s posts: |
Melliegrantfirstlady Wed 18-Jul-18 16:02:03

Of course there is still a degree of love when people separate

He sounds very abusive

Reading your post I really doubt you have reached your limit yet

Hopefully there are no kids on the scene

Btw it is dangerous to go to counselling with an abuser

Bloss1978 Wed 18-Jul-18 16:07:55

There are two kids - both teens.... I've never felt abused - definitely not physically. I just find it hard to stay positive when he is so negative...about everything. He also struggles to share me with friends/family and gets upset if we don't get to spend lots of "quality" time together.... I just feel I'm not good enough...but I know he adores me....he just has a funny way of showing it and tries so hard to pull me close all the time it makes me pull away. Hoping that makes sense to a few people that can relate........

OP’s posts: |
RedSquirrelMoonlight Wed 18-Jul-18 18:01:44

Sorry to hear this, esp as i'm in a similar boat. Love my husband, but slowly realising that I have to love myself more. We're both essentially good people, but have developed some unhealthy co-dependent behaviour - once an alcoholic and other may need stress leave from work.

Also, you may love him, but you do realise that if you remain together, it signals to your teens that his behaviour is normal. And even if not something that inspire too, could be a habit they learn with their partners.

Geordiegirl1988 Thu 19-Jul-18 17:07:03

Relate was brilliant for me and my dh . I highly recommend them. They allow you to both state how you feel in a safe place and where you are able to speak without itvescalating into a huge row .

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