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I can't afford to be a divorcee

(14 Posts)
awilliams88 Sun 15-Jul-18 21:38:10

I want to ask my husband for a divorce but I can't afford to be a single parent. I'm a teacher, earning a good wage but rents in our area for a 3 bed house (3 children) are close to £2,000 pcm. Plus childcare, bills etc. We only just make ends meet with our joint income so how the hell I'll manage alone, even with maintenance payments, I haven't a clue. I know I shouldn't stay unhappy just for money's sake but don't see any other options.

Has anyone been through this? Where did you go for help? Particularly with housing?

OP’s posts: |
CommuterBlue Mon 16-Jul-18 01:07:31

Find out what benefits you'd be entitled to, child tax credits, housing benefits, council tax relief etc, you'll be surprised how much they can help you.

CommuterBlue Mon 16-Jul-18 01:09:55

Also the priority in a divorce is to house children, so likely you could get to stay in the FMH and it's your STBX that needs to move out.

Rachaelmerry Mon 16-Jul-18 13:58:46

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mikado1 Mon 16-Jul-18 14:17:41

Surely stbxh can't be asked to move out if op has decided on her own to divorce. Would she really get to stay in house? He could surely ask for house to be sold. I can imagine there are a lot of people in your predicament OP. Would you consider a move to a less expensive area?

awilliams88 Mon 16-Jul-18 22:14:49


Thanks for the replies. I didn't think I'd be entitled to any benefits/tax credits because of income but I'll look into that. What is STXB? We rent so we'd both have to move. Neither of us could afford to rent anywhere near here on our own. We'd have to move area I suppose but we have everything here. I love my job at the moment, doing really well there, have family and friends close to help with childcare and our middle child has ASD and is at a school that is very supportive and she's doing well. More importantly though, if I do go through with this I couldn't separate my children from their dad, grandparents and friends all in one go. That's not fair on them.

OP’s posts: |
mikado1 Tue 17-Jul-18 00:04:23

I can understand that but is there a nearby, cheaper area that you could afford that wouldn't be far from family and that they could travel to same school from?

NorthernSpirit Tue 17-Jul-18 14:41:54

It’s an absolute myth that you can stay in the FMH until the youngest is 18.

The courts have an obligation to look at a clean break, allowing both parties to be independent.

If you can sell and both afford to re-home then that will be considered.

I would get a free 30 mins with a solicitor for some advice.

awilliams88 Tue 17-Jul-18 21:48:16

We're just outside London. I'd need to move at least an hour and a half drive away to be able to afford rent.

OP’s posts: |
NorthernSpirit Thu 19-Jul-18 22:12:24

When you are together, 2 incomes support. When you split, those 2 incomes have to support 2 lives. You’ll have to make sacrifices. The dad has a right to have ‘appropriate accommodation’ for when the kids stay, just as you do.

Sacrifices need to be made on both sides.

IsTheRainEverComingBack Thu 19-Jul-18 22:15:47

Why do you want to divorce? Have you tried counselling?

mikado1 Thu 19-Jul-18 22:16:39

It's v v tricky.

Notbeingrobbed Fri 20-Jul-18 10:50:39

I can’t afford to divorce either but I have had to. It’s going to cost me a lot of money. I filed for divorce but he was responsible for doing the things that made divorce inevitable. My biggest regret is ever marrying - not just living together. The contract is grossly unfair - one party always exploits the other, as far as I can see.

At least I have my children, I am standing by them and they only want to be with me. They are already making me proud.

MissedTheBoatAgain Mon 23-Jul-18 07:53:01

Based on my divorce I comment as follows:

Northern Spirit is correct. If a clean break is possible that it what courts will order. If not assets will be added up and Courts will decide who gets what. Split will be based on what is available and the needs of both partners. Needs is the key word.

If you were just getting by on 2 incomes then after a divorce both you and your ex will have to adjust your future lifestyles to reflect that you have one income to live on and not two.

The courts would not make an order for maintenance that would plunge the paying partner into hardship and difficulty so that the other partner could maintain their previous lifestyle.

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