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When to start dating again!

(6 Posts)
Cdavies15 Mon 09-Jul-18 18:33:01

My husband left two months ago completely his decision I was happy in the marriage and thought he was too. I am still coming to terms with it and am very up and down.....but have found myself thinking do I need to date other people to ever be able to get over him. We've been together since we were 16 he's the only man I've ever been with and I'm now 28! I'm not sure any man would even want to come near me or if I even know how to date but just wanted to hear other people experiences of dating after separation really! Xx

OP’s posts: |
Sunshineandflipflops Tue 10-Jul-18 10:42:21

Hi, I thought I’d stop lurking and offer my two pennies worth!
Sorry to hear about your situation. I also separated from my husband 6 months ago. I found out he was having an affair and asked him to leave. We had been married 13 years, together pretty much since we were 16/17 (now 40).
He is now with the other woman (who is also 12 years younger as an extra kick in the teeth).
I couldn’t even contemplate dating again to start with. I say “again” but like you I’ve never really dated before. I was then persuaded to sign up to an online dating site a few weeks ago and it’s provided me with a lot of laughs (mostly at some of the messages I have received) but I also had my first date a week or so ago. I wa stereofied but pushed myself to go as I knew it would do me good and it did. He was a really nice guy and I felt like me again and like someone actually wanted to spend time with me. It’s not going to be the love affair of the year and that’s not what I’m after but I’m really glad I went.
I think only you know when you are ready but don’t rush into anything as 2 months isn’t very long to be dealing with the huge impact of a separation. On the other hand, if you feel ready then go for it but just take it slowly.

Sunshineandflipflops Tue 10-Jul-18 10:44:00

That should have read "I was terrified"!

mummyretired Tue 10-Jul-18 11:00:42

Everybody's different and every situation is different. Recently I took a year to myself to get my head together and only started thinking about dating when the divorce reached nisi; roll on a year and still nowhere near wanting to commit again.

I also divorced closer to your age and (having had much previous experience) started hooking up as soon as solicitors were instructed as I knew nothing else would convince unfaithful XH1 that I'd moved on. Not quite the same as dating, which I would not have been ready for.

I would advise taking it slowly, two months is nothing in the context of a relationship that has lasted since you were a child. It sounds as if your self-esteem is low - of course people will want you! I would imagine that you will get a lot of respect for being successful in one relationship for so long. However, if you are considering online dating you may well find that people see you as 'on the rebound' and either take advantage or keep clear depending on their character and attitudes. Draw your boundaries well.

Cdavies15 Tue 10-Jul-18 13:35:04

Thank you for your replies. If I am being honest I don't think I am ready to date and I hate how childish and petty this sounds but I don't want to look like the one that isn't moving on. I feel as though my husband (ex husband need to get used to that) will move on soon and I'm worried how I will cope with seeing him with someone else. I don't know I suppose I feel like that might be less painful if I am dating. Sorry for rambling my heads a mess still and I'm struggling to know what I should do next. Deep down I think it would be best to just focus on me and my little boy who is the only thing getting me through right now!

OP’s posts: |
blueangel1 Tue 10-Jul-18 16:01:43

I had a go at OLD about 6 months after EXH left. I have no kids, a lot of my friends live miles away and I mostly work from home, so I needed to do something to get out of the house and interact with people. I went into it with absolutely no expectations at all, as I was 56 and I didn't think I'd find anything resembling love again. As it turns out, I found my lovely DP.

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