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I don't know how to go on!

(5 Posts)
Cdavies15 Wed 27-Jun-18 19:43:39

My husband left a month ago out of the blue he said he wasn't in love with me anymore. We have been together 12 years and married for 4. We have a 20month old little boy (currently the only reason I'm keeping going)

We have been very amicable since he left and has regular access to our son. We've been getting on well and it is almost like we've gone back to how we were when we were 16. I cringe saying this but the sexual tension is intense. Cutting along story short we have slept together twice since he's left. This week he asked me to come over to the place he is staying one evening so we can do it again. Last night I messaged him and said I was worried about us sleeping together again because I feel unsure as to whether he's pursing the single life and seeing other people. He said no and then asked if I had been reading his fb messages. Cutting a very long story short this rung huge alarm bells and I ended up reading his fb messages (wrong I know!) so that night he had messaged four different women whom he'd worked with over 2 years ago asking how they were and then informing them he's left me etc. I feel heartbroken and physically sick again and like I have no idea who this man is!

I want to be strong and tell him to f**k off but when I see him I want him to come back and us be a family again. I don't eat, sleep or function properly and feel like my marriage has been a complete lie. Any words of advice or support please help I feel alone even though I have lots of family and friends none of them are divorced or separated. Apologies for huge message x

OP’s posts: |
Whoknows11 Wed 27-Jun-18 20:21:26

Sadly I’ve been there but I was heavily pregnant when he left.
Please do not let him have cake and eat it. Please keep your self respect and believe that you deserve better than how he’s currently treating you. Sadly these men think the grass is greener but it most certainly isn’t.
The best feeling will come when you turn him down and he sees you don’t need him. One day not so long away you’ll be happy again, just believe in that x

Cdavies15 Wed 27-Jun-18 21:19:44

I am so sorry you had to go through that when you were pregnant. I really hope one day I can be happy again...right now it feels impossible. I also have a huge amount of guilt that I failed as a wife and as a result it will impact my son. Feeling very low thank you so much for taking the time to respond xx

OP’s posts: |
Whoknows11 Thu 28-Jun-18 07:09:28

Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. Don’t just blame yourself. Your son will be ok as long as he has the love of both parents. Biggest advice is do exercise, it’s the best free good feel factor and will make you realise your potential x

Prawnofthepatriarchy Sun 01-Jul-18 14:25:57

Don't be a readily available shag. He won't come back to you if he doesn't want to. Offering him sex just makes you look needy and a bit desperate. However, if the sexual tension is that strong then refusing sex will remind him that it's not on the cards until or unless he treats you properly - and it gives him an incentive to do so.

Be clear about your boundaries. Co parenting? Yes. Letting him be a FWB? No. It'll make the split far longer and more painful if you don't draw a line under it.

I totally understand why you still want sex but it really isn't in your best interests. You must be lonely and feel demoralised. Remind yourself who's made you feel that way.

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