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Help. Controlling ex.(5 Posts)
Hi, i was with my ex bf for 7 years. We have a 6 year old together. He was always controlling within the relationship, bringing me down using blackmail, threats, force, taking advantage and being very angry for no reason. I was never allowed to live a life, have friends or family and he wanted me to be a house wife and maid. He hated it when i worked or wanted to go out. He never spoke or admitted to any of these problems, he thought everything was fine and if i ever raised an issue he would laugh in my face and ignore it, or guilt trip me, twisting it into making me think i was wrong.
Now that we have seperated, we now live in seperate houses. My 6 year old lives with me, and sleeps at his at weekends due to me working. Ive tried to sorting out a fair custody civilly and amicably. Also wanting to be civil for everyone. But he uses our child against me. He tells her all the time how much he hates me and moans and bitches about me, calling me a bad mother doing everything he can to turn her against me. He controls and munipulates her the same way he does me. He guilt trips her if she doesnt agree with him, and now shes adapting and taking on his behaviour and mannerisms and his hate towards me. Which i dont like.
He also calls daily to check on her, if she doesnt answer the phone he'll bang the door down, once the door is answered to try and speak calmly he shouts abuse at me and list reasons as to why he thinks im a bad mother. Which he says to our child daily. He'll then guilt trip her to go over to his in the evening and puts words into her head that are against me. I never have an evening with her because he manipulates her into seeing him. I honestly do not know how to break his control. He refuses to speak to me civilly. If i try and talk he ignores me or lists reasons as to why he hates me and why he thinks im a bad mother. Its scary to think shes taking his side and feel like im losing my child.
I have no advice really it sounds horrid and I am sorry you are going through this. Could you and your daughter move away? And organise supervised contact somehow?
You need to contact the police to report coercive and controlling behaviour within an intimate/family relationship. This is obviously retrospective and any prosecution if you can get one won’t be quick, but they should be (the cops) talking to you with a view to getting a molestation order against him. They should also put you in touch with victim support and refer to child safeguarding for your daughter as what your ex is doing is emotionally abusing her.
Call 101 when you aren’t busy and can be private and start that conversation, because really, he’s still controlling you, just from a different house.
I definitely think you need to put things on a formal footing. Speak to someone like the CAB who should at least point you in the right direction.
This is not acceptable. you probably need professional help asap to prevent him damaging and poisoning your children any further. I've had to do the same despite not really believing the possible ramifications.
If you can't get a barrister or lawyer, go to your local SSs department. They may insist from now on he has behave in a certain way. (not permanent). x
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