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Struggling, divorcing my husband even though I don’t want to

(13 Posts)
LetMeGo66 Fri 22-Jun-18 09:13:34

I feel like I’m never going to get over my divorce. We’re in the early stages at the moment so it’s still pretty raw but I just don’t understand how I’ll ever be ok with what’s happened. I filed for divorce, there was no chance of reconciliation on his part and I didn’t want to be married to him when he met someone else.

He made me miserable towards the end but even so I was still willing to work on things to get our relationship happy again, but he never tried and in the end told me he didn’t love me the same. This is what’s hurt me the most, he could never talk about our issues just wanted to push them aside and now look what’s happened.

Why do I miss someone who wasn’t even making me happy? How can I be ok with the thought of him moving on and starting a new family with someone else and being happy?

Any words of wisdom from someone on the other side?

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eve34 Fri 22-Jun-18 16:41:44

It hurts. But it will pass for me it is the rejection. The man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The father of my children. Found someone he wanted to be with more than me. How did that ever happen. I was prepared to do what ever needed to be done for us and the family. And he wasn't. I didn't mean as much to him anymore.

I look forward to when I don't care. And I am sure it will come in time. But for now be kind to yourself and surround yourself with good people.

PinkFlamingoAteMyLipstick Fri 22-Jun-18 16:59:00

Hang in there, it does get better. I could have written your post op. I filed for divorce and it hurt like hell. Fast forward five years and I am much happier than I ever was with the man child ex

LetMeGo66 Fri 22-Jun-18 18:50:38

That’s what it is eve the rejection, why wasn’t I worth fighting for? How could for better or for worse not meant anything to him.

pink thank you that does give me hope, how long did it take you to feel ok again?

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eve34 Sat 23-Jun-18 06:49:36

I'm sure it will get easier I have moments I know I deserve better. If that ever happens. Just got to get my children through this bit. Just going to take time

LetMeGo66 Sat 23-Jun-18 07:18:15

Yes I have those moments too, where I know it was the right decision. What helps is I wrote a list of all the things he’d ever done to upset me and all the reasons I don’t want to be with him (there’s a LOT) so when I’m feeling sad or like I miss him I read it. I just want to be on the other side of this, happy and not missing him.

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eve34 Sat 23-Jun-18 08:32:18

I wrote a list of the positives of him not being here. He was a difficult man to live with. And ow Is welcome to him. Doesn't stop the hurt. Hope you have good people around you. I talked endlessly to certain friends who I will always be grateful to for being there. It's been six months since he left for good and 12 months since he walked out the first time.
I find being without the children hard as I have never not had them with me. But I am slowly getting use to it and finding interest for me. Still don't like it but I'm trying to make the best of the situation.

LetMeGo66 Sat 23-Jun-18 09:08:05

I have amazing family and friends who are being so supportive. I just find evening the hardest. I don’t even know how I’ll cope when he meets someone else, I imagine it won’t be long.

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eve34 Sat 23-Jun-18 12:21:01

It does smart. My kids were straight into playing happy families with him and ow. Eldest has taken it all very hard. But all I can do is be there for them.
Hang on to the positives and take each day as it comes.

MamaMumMama Sat 23-Jun-18 12:32:25

thanks You've done a brave thing OP, I think you've got to put yourself first, you may have crap days but look after yourself, think of the things you can do without him, not walking on egg shells or having to put up with someone else's mood swings. Life is what you make it, and only you can make yourself happy, you can do this!

Eddie1940 Sat 30-Jun-18 11:33:33

I m not in the other side I m in the same place as you . Me and my stbexh argued a lot - it was a difficult situation - his ex partner was problematic and his 2 teenage children came to live full time with us just after we got married . I welcomed this but it was tougher than I thought and he undermined me in front of the children . I don t have children of my own do felt insecure that I was getting things wrong . I was however always trying to make things work . He seemed to go cold on me about 12 months ago and I would say was emotionally abusive . I ve subsequently found out he was getting involved with someone at work - and we both work in the sand field so really bloody awful . Anyway divorce is in
Process . Just to add to the hurt he s also trying to get half the equity of the house which he put nothing into and I paid £££. We were only married a short time . It’s a shit time - I hope it gets better

Notbeingrobbed Sat 30-Jun-18 11:48:56

The man pushed off. He wasn’t the man you thought he was. You’re better off without him...maybe not financially, of course!

LetMeGo66 Sat 30-Jun-18 12:32:07

Sorry to hear that Eddie it sounds like an awful situation.

I was starting to feel positive but I know he’s met up with a girl from his past that he always told me not to worry about (whilst doing things to make me worry!) so I’m feeling pretty low today. Don’t even know why I care, he’s an Arsehole.

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