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Divorce/separation

Anniversary today, court on Wednesday. Big week.

9 replies

starsandstuff · 18/06/2018 12:45

Hi

Not sure why I'm posting. feeling a bit all over the place. It's my wedding anniversary today. We're separated nearly 5 years and it's the first year it didn't hit me as soon as I woke up. So that's progress, I know. I have my court hearing on Wednesday for the decree nisi and I'm kind of dreading it and kind of wanting it done. xDH is a lovely man, I was the one who left, so I'm not looking sympathy. I'm still sad about it ending though, but I know I'm in a good place now and hope he is too. Part of me is letting my mind drift to being free to marry DP, and part of me feels guilty that I'm not in tears today. No DC so at least there's not that. I petitioned for the divorce myself to save him the hassle - very straightforward - so I've no solicitor and nervous about Wednesday going there alone. DP offered to come but that wouldn't fee right. This is total rambly nonsense I know. There are other things going on with work and a friend having terrible news and family stuff for DP and I don't know, I just feel a bit all over the place. All kind of churned up. But in so many ways I know how lucky I am, and when I think what an absolute mess I was for such a long time after it ended I'm proud of having got here. Guess I just wanted to put that out there. Thanks for reading if you did.

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lifebegins50 · 18/06/2018 22:40

Do you need to attend the hearing? It should just ne pronounced and no need to actually go there.

Glad you are feeling optimistic...weird how I never remember my wedding anniversary, even a few years end I didn't feel I could "celebrate it", guess it says a lot about my marriage

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MrsBertBibby · 19/06/2018 07:45

You don't need to go to court for DN unless It's a costs issue, which I doubt as you self represented.

Or do you just want to be there?

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starsandstuff · 19/06/2018 12:32

It's in NI so don't know if that changes things but I was told by the matrimonial office that I have to attend to confirm the details - it's very short and only a formality and then the decree nisi is issued. Although I kind of do want to be there anyway. Something about bearing witness to the end of something.

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MrsBertBibby · 19/06/2018 14:19

Ah OK, I'm sure that's right then.

My word it would be chaos over here if they did that!

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starsandstuff · 20/06/2018 10:47

Well that wasn't fun. My stbxh turned up even though he didn't need to because someone advised him to. I wasn't expecting to see him and I burst into tears. Then the clerk took me aside and asked was I ok, they were like why is he here? And I think they thought he was trying to intimidate me (actually I was still in bits in chambers and the judge asked me the same thing). I was clear he wasn't but I should have actually said look he's the innocent party in all this. I feel like shit, I was crying because it's sad and I was shocked to see him and instead it looked like I was some kind of victim when actually he's a lovely man. Was expecting to feel crap today but I feel so much worse. Wish I could get my hands on whatever knob told him to come and waste his time.

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MrsBertBibby · 20/06/2018 13:57

Oh that's rough. What a mess. Take some time out for you, if you can. Be kind to you.

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starsandstuff · 20/06/2018 14:14

Thank you x

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murphys · 20/06/2018 14:32

Ah Stars, I do understand. I got divorced last month and it was our anniversary the very same week too. Although we were separated for 2 years, I thought going to court was just going to be a breeze, a formality and then that was that. But the truth is, it was the most emotional day ever, i did not expect myself to react as i did, the minute i got home I just bawled my eyes out. (I dont cry, I think this is about the third time I have cried since the separation). I just didnt expect it to hit me like it did. The judge asked a whole lot of questions, there were advocates, I was stood in the box. It was overwhelming.

But I had a good cry, then after I got it all out, I took the biggest breath ever. And it went all the way in, a full deep breath. It felt like I hadn't been able to do that for years.

Like MrsBert says, be kind to yourself. Its stirred everything up again and i think its quite normal to be upset. (In hindsight).

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starsandstuff · 23/06/2018 23:10

Aw @murphys sorry it was tough for you too. Emotions are funny things, you think you know how you'll be about something and then out of the blue you're floored by unexpected feelings. I'm glad you had a good cry and hope you're feeling better. Onwards... x