Contemplating divorce, but scared 😬

[gizmocat1]

Dear friends,

I have been married to my husband for 16 years together for 19. He’s 21 years my senior , I’m 45 now and we have a so. Who’s 10.

I’ve always been uncertain about our relationship but have just plodded on regardless , living one day at a time but never feeling fulfilled , it’s like it’s not real at times. My husband is essentially a nice person but i just don’t fancy him anymore, we are very different and have nothing in common other than our son. I feel the age gap is taking its toll especially. When I was in my 20s and he was in his 40’s it was okay but now it seems larger. The prospect of any intimacy repulses me so we don’t have any sexual contact anymore. Also, his advancing years will have a bigger impact the older we both get. I question also his sexuality as he likes to wear woman’s underwear. Maybe some women like this... I just don’t. It’s off putting but he won’t stop it as he says it’s fine.

Essentially for many reasons, deep down I’ve known for a long time that we should split up because I’m scared. Scared of telling him, acting on it, all the disruption it will cause, managing on my own etc etc. So, instead , I just carry on taking each day as it comes.

I feel it is unfair for both of us and our son to be in this relationship but I’m scared of making the next move. If I discuss splitting up he either gets mad or walks away. There’s no communication between us.

Ideally I’d walk away and leave him the house but I can’t afford to start on my own. Without some equity from the house ( this will annoy him the most as he’s put in the biggest share).

I know his children from his first marriage will be angry and make their feelings known.

So instead I do nothing because I’m frightened of everything.

Please help. Do most people feel like this ? Don’t know what to do. Do I just stay in a loveless marriage ? Sorry if this sounds like a selfish post 😢

[MissConductUS]

I think you should find a way to speak to a solicitor who handles divorce about what you could reasonably expect to have happen.

It will be disruptive, but once it's behind you that part will fade quickly. If you're not happy, get out. You're not chained to him.

By the way, most cross dressing men are heterosexual and many were sexually abused as children. But I understand why you find it off putting. I would too.

Good luck.

[Liss86]

It's not selfish at all.

[sosickofthisshit]

It took me 3 years to finally pluck up the courage to end my marriage. In the end, my health was suffering and I couldn't cope with the stress anymore, and I literally couldn't stand the sight of him. It's hard, but I know it was the right thing to do, for my own sanity. If you've made the decision that it's over, don't wait as long as I did to end it, just do it.