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How do I get him to leave? And how do we do exist in meantime?

(56 Posts)
limon Sat 26-May-18 16:49:58

"D"h has decoded to separate from me.

But he doesn't know when he will be leaving.

It's only been a week. But I'm not sure I can live like this in limbo.

What are my options?

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ScoobyCan Sat 26-May-18 18:25:34

Ask for a "trial separation" and that he leaves for three months. Then add a lock." For security purposes.

limon Sat 26-May-18 19:40:33

He has nowhere to go.

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limon Sat 26-May-18 19:40:56

We have a child. I can't turf him out and make him homeless.

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dangermouseisace Sat 26-May-18 20:49:58

Can you give him a couple of weeks to find somewhere? He’s only one person, so it’s easier for him to find somewhere, and it puts a time limit on things. I’m sure he could have at least found a sofa by then, but more likely somewhere more concrete.

limon Sat 26-May-18 22:03:09

No I can't he has no famiky or friends locally and can't afford to rent a place . He'll need a two bedroom place so that he can have our child to stay

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NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sat 26-May-18 22:22:09

Would it be easier for you to leave instead?

northernglam Sat 26-May-18 22:22:16

Can he get housing benefit. My ex is staying with family and will only be able afford a one bed place so has see kids here. It's not ideal. But better than living together. In my view he could get better job / work 2 jobs but doesn't seem that motivated. Can you move out - look at benefits calculator e.g. Entitledto and what could afford. Do you rent or own?

limon Sun 27-May-18 09:37:44

I am absolute not moving out. I own the house ( mortgaged).

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limon Sun 27-May-18 09:38:07

I work full time and am not entitled to any benefits.

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Squeegle Sun 27-May-18 09:49:46

Does he have a job? He will just have to rent a studio, and then he can have your child to stay

Squeegle Sun 27-May-18 09:50:29

If he’s decided to do this then surely he has some ideas?

MrsBertBibby Sun 27-May-18 10:09:25

A one bedroom flat is fine for contact visits. He just needs a sofa bed, or to share a double.

You need to start divorce proceedings so his home rights are terminated. If you have the misfortune to live in London and the South East, Bury St Edmunds takes at least 9 months. Other regional divorce centres are faster.

limon Sun 27-May-18 10:13:16

He works two days a week.

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SansaClegane Sun 27-May-18 10:25:01

Well if he decided to leave then surely it's his problem? I'd have no problem turfing him out.

FWIW, when XH and I separated he moved into the spare bedroom initially until he found somewhere. It took three months and was massively awkward and hellish. Even though we had more or less split mutually and amicably, I really couldn't stand living with him anymore. I can't imagine living with someone who had unilaterally decided to leave me though!

limon Sun 27-May-18 10:48:33

Yes sansa it's very difficult.

The fact that we have a child and he has nowhere to go is really hard because of course I can't just turf him out.

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blaaake Sun 27-May-18 11:01:14

He only works 2 days a week?? You need to tell him to get off his arse and either increase his hours or find another job. And give him 2 weeks to do so.

limon Sun 27-May-18 11:09:12

blaaake he wont. That's been a big part of our issues.

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MrsBertBibby Sun 27-May-18 11:15:48

Well if he won't sort himself out, and you won't take steps to get him out, nothing will change, so you will be here in 5 years time.

There isn't a magic wand, I'm afraid, or anyone else that can take it out of your hands.

limon Sun 27-May-18 12:02:00

I need to get him to see that he csnt break uo woth me but still have all the benefit of living with me.

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m0vinf0rward Sun 27-May-18 12:12:53

For his own legal protection he needs to stay exactly where he is. It amazes me how people on MN give different advice on this subject, want to kick the husband out but tell the wife not to leave. The double standards are exquisite. If he's entitled to stay he should do so as to not prejudice his rights. If he's not violent or abusive then you have no right to kick him out, how would you feel if he was kicking you out? Do the right thing and work together towards an amicable split.

limon Sun 27-May-18 12:24:05

Excuse me m0vinf0rward. Im not kicking him out. He has decoded to end our marriage. He has consistently refused to discuss issues in our marriage, has pulled far far less the his full weight and now appears to think he can end our marriage, continue tobhave exclusive space on the house (there is no exclusive space for me), continue not to financially contribute yet remain here. Absolutely not fair at all.

He refuses to discuss an amicable split.

He is abusive towards me in that he expects me to take on the full financial responsibility and about 90% of the domestic responsibility while he pursues hobbies.

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limon Sun 27-May-18 12:28:53

And despite it all my preference would be to work on things if he would commit to work on things.

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GladysKnight Sun 27-May-18 12:34:35

You probably need to talk to a solicitor, or at least look up your (and his) legal rights, for example if you start to divorce him. That's what I'd be doing anyway.

Caselgarcia Sun 27-May-18 12:44:24

You need to ask if what his plans for moving out are. Surely if he wants out of the relationship he knows he has to move out of your house. get him to commit to a leaving date. Him having no money or family is not 6our problem - it's his

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