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Nesting...what is it and why would I do it??(8 Posts)
I've got a thread in AIBU about fact that o ended my marriage yesterday after years of unhappiness and emotional manipulation and gaslighting. DH has just sent me an email (he's being all very nicey nicey and all about how he wants to have 50% custody and accusing me of blocking his relationship with them...they are nearly 6 and nearly 2, youngest still breastfed) suggesting something called nesting. What is it and why would I do it? I feel he is further trying to confuse me. I don't know how to get through this. We are in the same house but I want him to get out.
Nesting is co-parenting while living in the same house. Fuck that, if you are getting divorced you don’t want to live together. You need to speak to a solicitor.
I know. He's suggesting it too quickly. Like he's still trying to control the situation, and me. I think he means that there is one home for the children and one parent moves out while the other looks after the children.
It's moving too fast.
Your right op. Here's a link. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/family/birds-nest-custody-the-smart-new-way-to-divorce/
It's a good idea for some families, but not for yours. It would work well when there is a good relationship between the parents.
Remember you don't have to answer him immediately. Don't read or answer emails as soon as they come in. Give it, say, 24hrs then send a brief reply saying 'got your email, I'll give it some thought'. Then reply a few days later when you have had a chance to catch your breath.
Classic nesting would, yes, be that the children remain in the existing home, whilst parents move into and out of that home into a separate flat. That keeps children in stable situation, no need for their stuff to move about.
If money permitted, it would be better if each parent had a separate place, as well as the 'nest'. Otherwise, what about new partners, different standards of looking after the non-nest.
The cons are too serious for you to ignore. He could rifle through your stuff (like your post) and would know far too much info like what food you feed the kids, if you have a takeaway etc Another potential problem is the housework. Can you trust him to leave it in the state that it was when he arrived? Is he likely to be fair and do stuff like buy food so you don't come home to an empty fridge?
The biggest con is how it would work if either of you met a new partner. How would he react if your new man was in the house and vice versa?
My solicitor says no court would impose tgat in the UK. They might rubber stamp it if it was drawn up as an agreement that both parties were comfortable with.
I am absolutely NOT going to even entertain it. It's just another way to keep me on the lead and since i posted i have discovered that he has gone though my cupboards and removed some papers I had which he removed from the file I had put them in under a pile of clothes and replaced them with a note. This note admitted (stupidly on his part because he accusing me of sending nasty messages to people about him) having looked tgrough my phone which was open at the time being used as a baby monitor and he had gone up to.soothe the waking baby. A normal.person would have just stopped the monitor but No, he went through the phone. He has form for this and he is not to be trusted.
We talked about it but it was a fucking stupid idea with controlling exh! nearly bought a flat before I saw the light!
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