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Divorce/separation

What percentage of the house would be reasonable?

13 replies

MSnotMRS · 05/05/2018 14:17

I’m in the early stages of the divorce proceedings. My husband earns 100k + and I earn 17k. I’ve worked part time (full time now since the split) but always handled all the childcare, school runs etc of our 3 children as he works long hours and has always maintained that he cannot commit to flexible working arrangements due to the client based nature of his work (hence my paltry salary and term time only job).
I’m currently living off tax credits and my low income and we are in the process of making interim arrangements for the mortgage and bills- he has been very controlling with money and not given me any maintenance in a regular arrangement. I’m in the family home and wondering if, perhaps with family help, I could buy him out.

He quite likes this idea - however has always maintained that I should walk away with 50% of the house and no spousal allowance, no right to his pension. My lawyer has suggested that there may be a claim to more than 50% of the house and obviously this would have a huge impact on my security and being able to keep the children in their home. STBXH becomes very controlling and domineering If I dare to suggest might not take his offer and I prefer to see what is usual in these circumstances. These interactions leave me shaky, tearful and anxious. He tells me ‘if you contest it I will fight you and we’ll waste thousands’ and I’m trying desperately to keep things amicable for the kids.

Did anyone get more than 50%? Am I on to a lost cause? He is a commercial lawyer and has lots of lawyer friends saying I’m a ‘money grabbing B’ (though they are not divorce lawyers) and this in itself makes me feel on dodgy ground!

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RedB0at0nshore · 05/05/2018 14:56

If you are married I believe that the starting point us 50‰ split each for all assets. You need to seek proper legal advice. He needs to pay maintenance for the children. Don't use a solicitor that he knows

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Racmactac · 05/05/2018 14:58

You will get more than 50% and probably get spousal maintenance as well as child maintenance. Stop letting him bully you.
Instruct a solicitor and get them to deal with it

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Candlelights · 05/05/2018 15:02

DSis got more than 50% if the house value because she earned less (and like you, that was because she did all the school runs) She only got slightly more (about 60% I think) but the discrepancy between their salaries was less than yours.

You really need to ask your solicitor though

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RandomMess · 05/05/2018 15:05

Starting point is 50% of assets including pensions!!!

Factor in 3 DC to house plus you sacrificed your earning potential to support his career then it is very likely to be more!

If he's not paying maintenance ring up CMS and get the ball rolling Thanks

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titchy · 05/05/2018 15:10

You should get significantly more than 50% of the house! You have enabled him to earn that much by working part time and sorting out the kids. You should also get a good chunk of his pension.

Get a solicitor fast.

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Oddbutnotodd · 05/05/2018 15:12

Definitely go after the pension. It’s unlikely you will earn enough to make up a shortfall; he couldn’t have had such a good career without your help and support. Definitely find a solicitor he doesn’t know.

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UnimaginativeUsername · 05/05/2018 15:13

If he wants to keep 100% of his pension, he’ll have to offset it by giving up some of his share of the house. He probably has a substantial pension pot, so that might be quite a large percentage.

That’s even before thinking about the effects of you being PT to enable his career.

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RandomMess · 05/05/2018 15:14

If he tries to discuss it (bully?) you just use the stock phrase "my solicitor is dealing with it all but you're welcome to email me"

It would be better to get a much larger percentage of the house rather than rely on spousal maintenance as he's already shown you that he will mess you around with money for the DC!

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EllenJanethickerknickers · 05/05/2018 15:14

I was in a similar situation, earned £10k he earned £70k, and got about 2/3rd of assets so that I could keep the house. I got a share of his pension, but not 50%. My DC were 9,11 and 13 at the time. I got CMS calculated CM privately agreed. I got spousal maintenance of £300/month for 5 years.

50:50 is the starting point, but if you can show that you sacrificed your career for his benefit because you have taken the lions share of child care, then your solicitor will be negotiating more.

I also got him to agree that I got more than 50% residency of the DC to keep things stable for their sake. He did leave me for the OW, so he was feeling somewhat guilty which may have made negotiations a bit easier.

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MSnotMRS · 05/05/2018 16:09

Thank you so much for all the replies! Flowers It’s good to hear that there is a case for asking for more and I guess i posted for the moral support really and to see what had happened to others, as I don’t know anyone who has been through the same situation. Some days I just feel very vulnerable and kind of intimidated by him.

I have seen a solicitor and she had outlined similar arguments as you have, but is first seeking the financial disclosure so we know what we’re dealing with for sure - and she definitely doesn’t know him! She’s from a local firm, he works for a much larger firm and i expect may seek a lawyer from a big firm to intimidate me- is that something to worry about? The solicitor I’m seeing seemed competent and confident and so I have no reason to doubt her, he just said he will fight me for anything more and I shouldn’t believe what a solicitor tells me...

OP posts:
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RandomMess · 05/05/2018 16:33

Well you know he's financially abusive, he will try any tactic going...

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EllenJanethickerknickers · 05/05/2018 16:39

More than 50% is definitely reasonable. Let your solicitor advise you. There will be some negotiation, rather like house buying, so expect there to be compromises to be needed over any initial offers etc.

Flowers Good luck, there is life after divorce. I didn't realise how unhappy I'd been in the marriage until I'd got over the divorce and how content I am with my (rather poorer financially but richer socially) life now.

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Xenia · 07/05/2018 10:21

My ex got almost 60% (I earned more than he does by a long way - a bit like your situation in reverse) and I didn't want to pay him regular spousal maintenance (we both work full time but he just happens to earn less - no career sacrifice or anything like that) so he got more than 50% to buy that claim out as it were and he doesn't pay for the children but that's unusual. We decided our pensions were both worth about the same (although I've cashed mine in to help older children with housing but that was later and my choice) so we didn't do a pension split.

Good luck with it and don't get dragged into both sides spending more on legal fees than the some in dispute between you. My lawyer thought if we went to court my husband might get between 39% and 70% - that is how unclear the law can be and I would rather he had extra money than we both gave it to lawyers (and I write that as a lawyer myself).

So I would look at what your joint net assets are leaving the pension aside for now (which may not be worth that much - younger people do not often have great pensions so it may not be the cash cow people think). I would support what someone said above - this man is going to avoid paying spousal maintenance and probably child maintenance as much as he can so it might be a good idea to go for as high a percentage of assetse now than rely on his largesse eg he migh choose to give up work or disappear to Thailand. If you have had capital you have it forever. If just the promise of future maintenance it can disappear in smoke. If your family can help you buy out say 40% or 30% of his equity share in the house (or even more for you depending on if there is some massive pension ) for a clean break with no spousal maintenance and then he is just left with paying for the children and particularly if you can promise you will be able to get him off the mortgage (which would mean he could buy somewhere else and is a huge issue in many divorces) he might accept that. Also look at the actual sum difference between what you and he will settle for - is it worth spending x on lawyers on - it might be or it might not be. ?Eg we did not need to do any form Es because we each knew each other's savings and income and had joint accounts so that kind of financial due diligence would have been like burning money to us but other couples have no idea what the other earns so need to do it. We had not a single hearing which again saved loads of costs but other people can't reach an agreement and have to have them.

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