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Husband left me. Advise please

(7 Posts)
PhonixK Sat 07-Apr-18 10:22:41

Hiya I don't know where to start. I'm new to all this so don't know abbreviations so hang in there please.

My husband left me 4 weeks ago. He's totally changed in the past few months. Snapping at kids easily and stressing out quickly. He has no patience with anything and struggles to concentrate on anything. He's also been finding it hard to sleep.

His job took him away April last year for 6 months and when he came home he was the man that I describe above. In the 5 months he's been home he's had to go away for roughly 8 weeks but it's been broken up across them months.

Things haven't been great, we've been arguing and gone through a rough patch and everything was sorted or so I thought.

4 weeks ago (a day before he's away again for 2 weeks) he tells me it's completely over and that when he comes back he will move out (he's in the military so can get a room with work). I was heartbroken completely devastated. The kids (4,6 and 12) kept saying they were so excited for daddy coming home and I would just want to cry for them.

I suppose I was hopeful that he would have time to himself in the 2 weeks and sort his head and realise what he was throwing away. No such luck though. He came home and told the kids he had to sleep at work but he would see them all the time.

The kids are very close to him so I didn't want to say well no you can't see them everyday. So I've let him get on with it and tried a few times to talk to him but he just storms out and tells me I'm stressing him out and he hates being here.

I keep my mouth shut now. I've asked if counselling will help, he doesn't want to try because he's happy now so knows he's made the right choice even if it doesn't suit me.

I've cried, I've fought, I've been angry, I've been happy.

The only emotion I show is happy to him. I don't want him seeing how much he's broke me. We've been together for 11 years. Met when were 18 and 19 and been through so much together. I just don't understand how a man (a good man) can just up and leave his family. It's not like he's out every night drinking or partying with his friends. He sat in his tiny room with a laptop and hard drive and is happier?

We still talk and aslong as I don't bring us up we get on well. Money is sorted and we have sorted him visiting the kids kind of. He has no where to keep them over night so when he does I'll go to my mum's and he will stay at mine with the kids until he sorts something.

I want him back but I really believe he may need some help. I've spoke to his mum who is so shocked she can't believe any of this is happening and thinks he's maybe having a breakdown or something.

Sorry for the long essay but I'm struggling. Yesterday was a bad day. Today I'm ok, have a night at my friends at an ann summers party so looking forward to that.

Please tell me things get easier and i wont always feel like my life is all over the place.

OP’s posts: |
rollingonariver Sat 07-Apr-18 11:29:06

That sounds really horrible op. People do just fall out of love, it does sound like you might be better off without him. Things will get better.

Poshindevon Sat 07-Apr-18 11:32:23

This must be heartbreaking for you. It does sound as if something happened while your husband was working away.
It will take time but things can get better dont rush things you are grieving. Try to have interests outsideof your home and children.
Other than that I offer a big hug and a shoulder to cry onflowers

JazzyJefff Sat 07-Apr-18 11:40:59

I'm sorry I'm unable to offer you any advice, but I was truly moved with what you have written. I don't understand how anyone could just do that to their partner and family. I do hope with all my heart that you find happiness either with or without your husband! thanks

thursnc Sat 07-Apr-18 12:02:56

Didn't want to read and run,
My heart goes out to you. You sound like you're being so strong, I'm really sorry that this happened to you.
thanks

PhonixK Sat 07-Apr-18 12:46:01

Thank you. I don't believe he has someone else. I truly believe he is depressed and pushing us away rather than letting me help him and I'm lost. I don't know what to do anymore

OP’s posts: |
passthecremeeggs Sat 07-Apr-18 23:53:23

Ex-military wife here. A lot of this is very familiar. Was his tour a difficult one, and could he be suffering from PTSD? I know quite a few people who have done this - walked out on families and closed down completely. He may be trying to compartmentalise his life to control his stress and to keep going at work (Btw I'm not saying this is the right way to do it!) Is he talking to anyone else? Any mutual friends you could talk to to see if there is any more detail that you're not getting? And can you access any help through the military welfare system - do you live on the patch or in your own house?

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