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DH wants 60% of everything...

(81 Posts)
Penury Mon 12-Mar-18 19:30:49

so we met in our late 30s, we both had a house and savings and pensions. we had 3 dcs in the next 5 years and since then I have been home based, a joint agreement that someone should be at home. since then dh's earnings have rocketed - he set up a business I help with, we have enjoyed a good standard of living. i have worked too but part time low paid stuff to be around for the we are splitting up and he wants 60% of our total assets. ive had a solicitor consultation and it was just so woolly and vague. we have had mediation and the same. we keep being told we need to decide what is right for us given our circumstances but i dont know what would be fair and no one seems to be willing to stick thier neck out and say. i have no career. dh has a fab career. i will be primary carer, dh can carry on earning. plus i have recently found out that dhs pension is double mine (he kept that quiet) i dont know where to start to negotiate, he is adamant its 60:40 his way

ememem84 Mon 12-Mar-18 19:32:16

Get a better solicitor.

And I’d be asking for way more than that. Especially if you’ve given up your career.

MyBrilliantDisguise Mon 12-Mar-18 19:33:20

He can say whatever he likes; it doesn't mean he'll get his own way.

Mumsnut Mon 12-Mar-18 19:33:56

Maybe post in Legal too?

BellyBean Mon 12-Mar-18 19:34:42

What bull! I see no reason why he should profit more from your relationship. Start with 60/40 your way! You've been majorly disadvantaged career wise.

How old are the kids and are you planning 50/50 or you primary carer?

NorthernLurker Mon 12-Mar-18 19:36:19

I bet he wants 60%.

You've tried mediation and he's trying to do you out of your fair share. Lawyer up with somebody armed and dangerous.

theeyeofthestormchaser Mon 12-Mar-18 19:36:57

No way! You need a bloody good divorce laywer, not a vague one. Your h needs to disclose all his assets including investments and pension.

If he's suggesting 40/60, you can bet it's unfairly skewed towards him...

Post in Legal for better advice?

outabout Mon 12-Mar-18 19:38:54

Get a better solicitor. The rough starting point is supposedly 50/50 but as you are presumably going to continue looking after 3DCs then you would be more likely 60/40 or even more in your favour.
I know nowt mind you!

43percentburnt Mon 12-Mar-18 19:39:19

Get an appointment with another solicitor (and another if needs be). You need one that will protect your interests because your ex won't.

Wait for him to call you a money grabber - it's him who's the real money grabber.

Get a shit hot solicitor and take every single penny you are entitled to. Wait for your exes promises, I will put x in kids name, this is for their future etc. Protect yourself and your kids future by taking your legal entitlement. He is telling you exactly who he is. You will end up paying for driving lessons, uni fees, weddings. Greedy dad won't. Being self employed means your children will get screwed on maintenance too.

Look after yourself and your kids - he sure as hell won't!

43percentburnt Mon 12-Mar-18 19:41:17

Oh and when he whinges ask yourself what person would not want a sahp looking after his children not to have the correct legal entitlement?

iheartmichellemallon Mon 12-Mar-18 19:44:53

Agree with all the rest - get a better solicitor. 50/50 is the starting point but if you're at home looking after DC, then more likely 60/40 in your favour & ideally spousal support. Good luck!

MumOfTheMoos Mon 12-Mar-18 19:51:26

Yep - get a better solicitor and now you know about his pension you’ll be entitled to some of that as well.

Go to a specialist divorce lawyer - they will be worth the cost - a bit like a good accountant and they will more than pay for themselves if there are significant assets to be split.

They will also do the negotiation for you - they won’t be put off by random statements about who’s getting what with no basis in reality.

I’m always amazed by men who think they can just waltz off with all the cash - they really have their head in the clouds.

MachineBee Mon 12-Mar-18 19:51:58

And make sure you get a pension sharing order.

gettingtherequickly Mon 12-Mar-18 20:01:35

Get a better solicitor and threaten to go after his pension, he'll cave.

mineofuselessinformation Mon 12-Mar-18 20:03:15

I hope you had a good laugh when he said he wants you to get 40%.
You have enabled his earning power and curtailed your own career by staying at home and helping him (I hope you have some proof of this so he can't argue with it).
The starting point for all divorces is 50% to each party. From there, the main carer is taken into consideration (I'm betting it won't be him).
You need to see a different solicitor.

bastardkitty Mon 12-Mar-18 20:06:02

You need an excellent solicitor. Ask for 70/30 in your favour and settle for 60/40 and wipe the smile off that nasty fucker's face.

Globetrotter100 Mon 12-Mar-18 20:12:13

bastardkitty nailed it grin. Good luck OP flowers

ilovewelshrarebit123 Mon 12-Mar-18 20:13:03

You need a decent solicitor and you need a pension forecast for his pension.

My friends solicitor went to court for a full financial disclosure as her ex wasn't playing ball. He had to lay it all out on the table in the end and she ended up with what she ranted,

MyBoysAndI Mon 12-Mar-18 20:13:51

Sounds just like my STBXH. He didn't get his own way.

You need a better solicitor who will ask for you both to complete a Form E

Penury Mon 12-Mar-18 20:16:08

Blimey. lots of replies as I put dc 2 and 3 to bed!! dcs are 12, 10 and 9. didint want to do the solicitor thing, its gets acrimonious. thanks for input

Bluntness100 Mon 12-Mar-18 20:16:17

How long have you been married? Did he start the business before uou married or after? When you say you both had a house and savings, what was thr value of that for each of you and what did you do with the money?

Honestly I don't know if he's being unfair or not. If he put more money in than you, if he owned the business before you married. You've not given any of the relevant details.

OutyMcOutface Mon 12-Mar-18 20:18:06

You really need to get the minority of assets and lie child support. You sacrificed you career and earning potential for his. He owes you.

bastardkitty Mon 12-Mar-18 20:20:16

You won't be able to do this amicably. He is trying to rip you off.

Allthebestnamesareused Mon 12-Mar-18 20:21:18

Sorry it you definitely need a solicitor.

MrsBertBibby Mon 12-Mar-18 20:22:52

It isn't solicitors that make things acrimonious.

It's people who realise they won't be able to shaft their ex like they were planning.

On that information, your absolute rock bottom is 50% of assets and pensions plus child maintenance. And it should almost certainly be more than that.

But please, see a solicitor who knows their stuff.

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