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50/50 - lonely when kids are with their dad(10 Posts)
Hi all, new to this (recently separated). Ex insists on 50/50, for those who do 50/50, what do you do when kids are with their other parent? I can't afford to do anything that costs a lot. All my friends have children and husbands so only really see them when I have my kids.
There aren't any clubs/hobbies etc around here, and I don't have a lot of money so thats not really an option.
I HATE being away from my kids! makes me so sad.
It’s really hard. I miss mine too. Keep busy. It’s hard to motivate yourself at first when you’re adjusting (I used do nothing constructive and just lie around feeling miserable) but with time you just get more used to it. One thing I do now is book things for shortly after they’re picked up. Like a car service or a loft insulation survey. Something necessary but boring that’s just easier without the kids. Or a trip to a Diy place to get ideas for the house. Engages the pragmatic rather than emotional side of my brain. I remind myself that anything I can get done when they’re away is one less task to do when they’re back, so I can enjoy them more. Also have lovely new DP now so we spend time together when we can. Give yourself time, it’s ok to be sad about it, and it does get easier.
Back when I was first a lp I bought a puppy!! Invested a lot of time into it!! Gave myself 'permission' to enjoy my time without the dc. Did the garden, watched crap on TV, house work, mooched around markets, made sure i felt rejuvenated for when they got home.
Was just about to say similar to jupitero. It's hard adjusting at first. I do much more than 50/50 but I found it very hard at first. Both on his weekend without Ds and my weekend with Ds doing family stuff jus me and him.
It's takes time.
Try and do something nice for yourself. Nice walks. Cinema. Or just box set I like front of TV if you can't face going out. Oh and I used to do the odd shop for treats before a weekend alone.
It gets better.
When did people found it gets better please?!? I'm 18 months post separation and struggle emotionally constantly... sorry...just feeling v down..
The other thing is just throw yourself into work. I was dreading this half term (we agreed to share it 50:50) and I am pleased with how ‘ok’ I’ve actually been with it. I worked really hard Mon-Wed, stayed late and caught up, and was ready and excited to pick DCs up yesterday morning. I made loads of plans for this weekend and we’re enjoying ourselves.
Yorkshire jo - I think I am finally turning the corner and it’s nearly 4 years since split. I do still have shit days though! But this half term I have coped better than I have yet. I wasn’t happy about not being with Dcs, but ‘ok’ with it. And for now ‘ok’ is enough! I felt rubbish 18 months in too.
3 years in here. When they are at their dads I'll go out to events with meetup.com, I have met lots of lovely people this way.
I also volunteer at my local theatre around 4 evenings per month.
It still can be hard, but I see that part of my life as me and try to do things I enjoy. I also get all the boring jobs out of the way
I remember feeling a bit lost but I made my time alone as beneficial as possible and enjoyed it.
I really dedicated myself to my career during those times, I accepted every single offer to catch up (kind of fake it til you make it) so my friendships improved, I exercised more than ever, ate better, likevsaid above, I gave myself permission to enjoy my time alone.
I still missed the dcs at times but I knew we were all doing well and many years on I’m proud of how they turned out and glad that they have a great relationship with us both (and people often comment on it).
OP There’s a nice thread from 2013 about this... you may have seen it before... I re-read it often. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1650324-Kids-have-gone-to-their-dads-So-sad-and-lonely?pg=1&order=
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