Should I be asking for more Financial Support?(8 Posts)
Apologies for lengthy message - I hope someone is able to help!
My ex and I separated in April. Amicable split and went through mediation. I ended the relationship however it was fairly mutual (we had been to councilling which didn't work for us).
Through mediation process I felt a lot of guilt (mainly because he and his family blamed me for the breakdown of the family (we have a 4yo). I was starting my own business and the potential of earning good money from it in order to support me and my son at our family home (with support from a loan from my dad). Ex moved into his old flat in December following the realization he had been dating someone since August. Good news is that this took away all my guilt. Bad news is that I now feel like I was too lenient when it came to agreeing finances (nothing court approved - just written notes from mediation at the moment).
Overnights stays are 50/50 shared. However mornings that he has our son he drops him to me at 8am for me to do the school run. With my job being flexible I am also able to pick my son up from school. On nights with my ex he will then pick my son up at 6.15pm to take him back to his flat (2 miles away).
In mediation we agreed that we would have a joint account for purchasing items for my son - each putting £100 each per month (this would pay for clothes, friends presents, school trips, half term/holiday trips (eg: farm/soft play visits during half term)etc). My ex then pays me £50 a month for covering the cost of food after school. (when this was agreed, he had a different job which meant he could take my son to school and pick him up at 6). I think the realisation is now kicking in that he may have taken me for a ride. I love taking my son to and from school and wouldnt change this for a second however should I be asking for more money to cover the cost of me not working through this time. Also over holiday periods obviously working for myself I can take the time off work to cover childcare. It is obviously a lot cheaper for us both if I can look after our son, plus again - I love having this time with him, however is my ex having it easy as he isn't paying or contributing to the childcare which I am supporting?
His solicitors are currently putting together a financial consent form and my assumption is that this will form part of it. I am not comfortable with the current arrangements but wanted some non-biased advice about my situation and if anyone has had anything similar?
Tricky one as time with each parent is shared equally, this affects how much maintenance should be paid. Have you looked at the online calculations on the CSA page to work out what should be paid?
My ex only works one night a week on not much more than minimum wage & pays me £30 a week for DD9. She stays at his every other weekend & he picks her up from school 1 night a week & takes her to his for tea. He doesn't contribute to anything else financially & refuses to help out with extra childcare like when she has a training day cos he says he's not my childminder so I can go to work!
I don't think you should agree to anything you are not completely happy with.
Perhaps you get Ex to pay for the equivalent of childcare additionally to the shared pot to cover holiday childcare?
Thanks Crazycatladyx5 - its difficult as although he has him overnight 50% he doesn't have him 50% of the time as I have him before and after school. I've checked online and this shows he would be entitled to pay me £35 a week. Im debating whether to close the joint account and just ask for the maintenance payments directly to me - plus additional childcare cost during school holidays (thank you RandomMess !)
I think the way to raise it is that you may not be able to continue to do the before and after school care as you may need to work more hours, get an employed position etc. In that case he would need to arrange and pay for childcare and holiday cover - how best to start accounting for that now as you envisage that day happening.
Whilst your son is in your exs care it is his responsibility to drop him and collect him from school, if he cannot do this it is up to him to sort out childcare for these times, such as breakfast club and afterschool clubs/childminder, it is also him that shoukd bare the brunt of these costs. I understand that with your work you are able to do extra but if you were an employee this wouldnt be possible, also what happens in school holidays? From what you have written you do not have 50/50 as you are clearly doing more care, i would not be happy signing any consent order with arrangements as it stands now in it. An amicable solution is needed and maybe pointing out the obvious as if you were employed might make him realise that current arrangements are not fully equal!
A few things to bear in mind.
If you go to the CMS unilaterally this is likely to come across as a "nuclear" option. If possible I would advise you to try to come to an agreement between yourselves. I agree this is isn't true 50/50 but it's not a million miles away and you are getting £50pcm (and I presume the child benefit?) Maybe offering your ex the options of a) increasing the £50 to a figure which reflects the additional care you're doing or b) him doing the drop offs & holiday care.
On another point, when the CMS get involved, the CMS figure is the only amount that is legally payable by the parent classed as the NRP. The £100 for the joint account & the £50 are going to disappear. You need to carefully weigh up whether this is financially in your interest.
Hi there - just a question OP says that the nights are split 50/50 equally so therefor surely neither parent is the resident parent? (At least in the eyes of the CMS who calculate this on nights) so surely that way nothing would be payable as there is no NRP? Or I suppose each parent could claim against the other? Or does it not work like that?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.