Help please

[CCN2012]

I need some help. I've told my husband that I want a divorce but he is refusing saying he still wants to be married. I can't live with him any longer. About 9 years ago he had to go to court against another person for child abuse (he was the victim). Since then he's changed. He has depression and if he allows himself to, he will drink to excess every night. Since this court case he has been depressed. I've done everything I can to help him, gone with him to the gp, taken him to see a psychologist, sought help from forces charities (he's ex military). He has alienated my family, my children aged 11 and 9 aren't bothered by him which I don't want, I want them to love their dad. He's list numerous jobs, barely provides money for the house, his family hate me because if the things he tells them (mainly lies. He's got the kids over his friends (their godparents)and yet as soon as they are in bed he's texting me and phoning saying he's coming over. He thinks I have a boyfriend when I've never looked at another man since we've been together. He has spat in my face and pushed me. He calls me a c*in front if the children and has even called them the same name. What do I do? He's starting to scare me

[MrsBertBibby]

Are you living apart? Or is he just visiting friends?

You don't need his consent to get a divorce, the jealousy, spitting (WTF?), pushing and abusive language is enough.

But if he is living with you the real problem is how you stay safe and sane. It isn't easy to get a court to eject a co owner or spouse unless the behaviour is really serious.

What is the position?

[CCN2012]

He works in London. He is jointly mortgage holder but doesn't pay it. I do. His friends made him stay with them.