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Ex tells daughter about first date and new man

(7 Posts)
tonglong Fri 09-Feb-18 03:11:44

Just wondered what others think?

Ex wanted to seperate last June, we all lived together until November when she got her new flat.

Daughter is still upset and wishes mummy and daddy were together still.

2 weeks ago ex went on a date with a guy from the internet (told our 8 year old about it)
Within 24 hours of the first date she has announced her new love and relationship on facebook.
Friday daughter is with me crying because mummy is on the phone to this new guy all the time. She is upset as she thinks he might be her stepdad and she doesnt want one.

I text ex 'i am begging you to please not let daughter know about the bloke you met from the internet last Saturday. Can you wait a few months before she knows anything'

Ex said it is not her fault daughter over heard her, its not her fault if others talk about it to her, it them became my fault somehow. She then said she doesnt want to lie to daughter. I then was accused of trying to controll her by telling what she can talk about.

Im quite annoyed as i dont think she let daughter know so soon.

Am i been unreasonable?

MrsBertBibby Fri 09-Feb-18 08:41:59

Your ex clearly feels so.

Manage your own relationship with your daughter. Let your ex manage (or mismanage) hers.

QueenofallIsee Fri 09-Feb-18 08:44:04

I actually agree with you in principle but it is not your call to make. You focus on your DD knowing that she has 2 loving parents and let your Ex deal with her life as she sees fit

Julie8008 Fri 09-Feb-18 09:18:55

She is deliberately doing it so it gets back to you and hopefully pisses you off. Not much you can do though. The more you complain the more enjoyment she will get out of tormenting you.

riledandharrassed Fri 09-Feb-18 09:21:10

I agree with you . Think it’s seriously a stupid thing to have told a child of 8 - a teenager (16-17) might be different.

Poor child clearly still hasn’t got over the separation yet .

TwitterQueen1 Fri 09-Feb-18 09:26:53

If this were the other way round (ex being the man and dating new GF), the OP would be severely castigated for introducing a new significant other so very quickly.

I think it's completely inappropriate OP. Way, way too soon and no way should your DD be aware of this. there are ways and means of talking about new girlfriends and boyfriends and this isn't one of them.

I would suggest lots and lots of reassurance that both you and mummy still love her etc etc. I think you were right to text your ex. If nothing else it will hopefully make her think a bit more.

HollyBollyBooBoo Fri 09-Feb-18 09:52:34

Completely agree with you. Far, far too early for an 8 year old to know about this. What's frustrating is you're unlikely to have any influence over your ex's behaviour. So you'll need to be there for your daughter and explain it as much as possible.

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