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Just let me move on with my life! :-(

(9 Posts)
Whatiwishfor Thu 08-Feb-18 22:40:12

O i don't know where to start!! Im mentally exhausted.

I'm sorry but im feeling particularly sorry for myself tonight, so i'm sorry for the me me me post!!!!

I know divorce isn't nice and often becomes volatile but my stbxh is just a bloody nightmare.

So he left me a year ago, saying lots of very odd stuff such as he wanted to have an open relationship, why couldn't he have sex with someone else and then with me. He wanted to live in the spare room and ramain working in the office in the back garden etc etc etc. I became mentally ill as his behaviour was just so odd and detached. There's obviously a lot more to it than that but trying to summarize it. So he didnt want to be with me but some how thought he would remain in the house, work in the shed and still be a part of the family with out committing to me. OUr children are very young (pre schoolers) he belived he would be able to work in the office and see them every day. I had to get a solicitor to make him leave the property. She explained to me that this was domestic abuse, esp as at how ill it was making me!!
Right so one year on and hes just as much a bloody nightmare, hes now moved in with a woman and her 2 children in her house an hour away. Hes constantly abusive to me in text, emails and the communication book, basically says im a bad mother, mocks my mental health etc etc. All im interested in is whats in the best interest of the children. He twists everything to be my fault, denies domestic abuse. Hes taken me to court twice regarding the children, and there's a threat of him taking me back again. He wont provide all the financial information for the form e. Hes not giving the correct amount of child maintenance. He constantly brings the children back looking unkempt, in yesterdays pants, uncombed hair, not using the correct medication for one of the children even though the dr has said he needs to.
Hes withheld them at his place expecting me to collect them as he wont drive them back even though hes moved an hour away. Hes withheld their toys and made them upset and the list goes on and on and on.

Im of course not perfect and have made some mistakes along the way, but i always try to put the children first. He appears more interested at getting at me. I just want to move on with my life, the children live with me as i have a residency order (things didn't go well for him in court) as he wasn't child focused. I just want to be the best parent i can be, but im constantly being dragged down by him and i also suspect his girlfriend may well be involved!
I just need so words of wisdom, as im feeling pretty down trodden today! I feel as if i sould be a lot more forward with all of this by now, this was a man i loved and was married to for a long time.

RandomMess Fri 09-Feb-18 10:26:15

thanks well it sounds like you have to go down the court route.

Fixed contact with stipulation of who does drop offs and pick ups etc.

I would get a second sim, only check messages when he has them, send all his emails to junk. Basically block him. Speak to Women's Aid about whether his behaviour constitutes harassment and if it does look into molestation order against him.

Whatiwishfor Fri 09-Feb-18 13:02:33


Thank you for your reply. He has been threatened with a harassment order, but it really makes no difference to his behaviour, as he just doesnt believe it. It just feels like every week there is an issue, and there really doesnt need to be. Do right by the children and there's no need for things to get ugly. I guess i'm just feeling a bit sad about it all! thank you for your reply.

Snowydaysarehere Fri 09-Feb-18 13:06:08

Report him to the police for threatening behaviour. See you Dr for back up that he is affecting your mh. Keeping a diary would be a good idea, any pics of the dc you have concerns about - marks /bruises, anything untoward they say after being with him - if he is slagging you off in their presence a judge will take a dim view. Speak to school, ask about the behaviour, changes in mood /attitude /etc.

RandomMess Fri 09-Feb-18 13:08:22

Go ahead and get the harassment order, block him, tell school he needs to be kept away from you so separate parents evening etc.

Do not respond to him - research grey rock technique. Learn how to become utterly boring to him thanks

Whatiwishfor Fri 09-Feb-18 13:34:29

He doesn't talk to me it's all through text, email and the communication book. He doesn't bombard me with messages until I ask him something or have to communicate with him and then he just let's rip. My mental health is now fine but it's just hard to live with. Iv done a lot of research into narcissistic behaviour and personality disorders and he's deffo got one! I try hard not to respond emotionally.

He's so unpredictable it makes him scary. He a a huge bully and really not a nice person. I thought he would be better once he moved in with his girlfriend, but tbh he's got worse!

Whatiwishfor Wed 21-Feb-18 12:43:25

The stress involved in divorcing such an unreasonable person is huge!! There appears to be a problem every week, and im sure he deliberately creates problems/issues for me. Even though he left me i know he totally hates me, hes behaviour is so irrational and self centred. He uses the children like pawns, im concerned by some of the things my daughters says. I need to move this divorce on to try and calm things down or i can see my children becoming emotionally damaged by him.
This weekend i had to call the police as he refused to answer my messages about when the children would be returned even when i offered to collect them. He had them over for a week which was agreed but i had not seen or heard from them the whole time. My daughter then came home and said "why did you call the police on daddy?" she also said "daddy says you keep on forgetting to collect us". Other things have been said and its clear hes trying to pitch me off against himself. His girlfriend must be aware of at least some of his behaviours and i thought he might calm down once he met someone else, but he hasn't hes become worse, much worse! Im beginning to loose faith that me and the kids will ever be able to move on with our lives.

RandomMess Wed 21-Feb-18 17:21:02

You really need some help. I would consider stopping contact due to his unreasonable behaviour at the weekend and force a contact agreement through the courts.


RandomMess Wed 21-Feb-18 17:22:15

I would start a new thread in relationships with a heading more like "Ex being abusive please help" - lots of experienced people out there.

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