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Telling family about split

(8 Posts)
singme Mon 05-Feb-18 18:25:24

I was wondering if I could ask your advice....

H told me in November he wasn’t happy in the marriage, he had feelings for someone else, he was depressed etc etc.
Depression got worse and I managed to get him to see GP, psychiatrist, psychologist and get treatment.
He’s much better now but still adamant he doesn’t want to be married and it was a mistake sad

Now he’s kissed someone else and been texting with them. I know it’s finally over and I tried my best.

I’m in the process of looking for a new place, I’ve seen a counsellor and will probably see a solicitor soon.

I’m visiting my parents this weekend and I really need to tell them. They know about the initial problems and depression but they think things have improved.

They are going to be so upset. They really love H and have welcomed him into their family.

How can I tell them? Should I go into details (cheating and unreasonable behaviour) or try and keep that to myself?

Should I also tell my grandparents (late 90s) as I think it will upset them so much... I’m not sure if they have long left and I just want them to believe I am ok when they go.

Also my in laws?? It’s obviously my husbands responsibility to tell them but how I can I just disappear without a word?

Anyone with any experience or advice?

Poshindevon Mon 05-Feb-18 19:20:27

You should tell your parents, they may have welcomed your husband into the family but you are their daughter and they will want what is best for you. Just say that on top of the depression he has behaved very badly and cheated on you. There is no need to go into great detail
As for your grand parents, just because they are in their 90s does not mean you have to hide things from them. Your happiness and well being is what matters to them.
Why do you think everyone will be upset? Parents often have more insight than you give them credit for.
As for his parents , if you feel able to talk to them do so.It really depends how close you were to them. They might be hostile and take your husbands side, so be ready for that.
When I divorced I had my parents unconditional support. Although I could not tell them every awful thing that happened in my marriage, they were there for me. Thats what counts.
Good luck and all the bestflowers

singme Mon 05-Feb-18 19:43:14

Thank you for the response.

My parents will be upset because we only got married last year, they put so much effort into planning it and were so wonderfully supportive. Just feel it’s throwing it back in their face. I know they will support me and be understanding, but they are just going to be totally shocked.

His parents will be upset as well, not just for the above reasons and because we are close, but because they are very religious as well and don’t believe in divorce. FIL was being quite unfair about Megan Markle the other week for being divorced, I just said you have no idea what happens in others private lives! That’s their problem though, not mine.

I know it won’t be as bad as I think it’s going to be, and hoping in a few months time lll be settled in a new place, everyone will know and I can move on with my life!

singme Tue 13-Feb-18 15:58:12

Update: I told them. Didn’t get too much in the gory details.

DM very supportive, focused on me being ok and doesn’t think H behaviour acceptable.

DF quite sad, thinks H is still unwell with depression and we should try counselling. Said maybe we will but at the moment he isn’t interested in it.

Good to have the opinions but to be honest I just wanted unwavering support. Feel a lot better for having told them and another step in the right direction...

Wintersnow17 Wed 14-Feb-18 14:27:12

Hi singme, I totally understand. My Stbxh had an affair and has now left. I can't tell my parents, it would destroy them , they loved him and we have done so much as a family. I can't tell because they would worry so much. I have told them we re not getting on, he's stuck in a rut etc don't know what's best really. Everybody else knows the truth. It's about protecting them not him. Maybe later I'll tell them, hope you get that support X

singme Thu 15-Feb-18 18:44:52

Wintersnow17, it’s awful. And I don’t think my dad will understand why I am moving out, but don’t want to tell him about the cheating yet sad

Onlyoldontheoutside Sun 18-Feb-18 14:15:29

Tell him about the cheating,how can he properly support you without the truth.You don't have to go into detail.

Wintersnow17 Wed 18-Apr-18 20:09:04

*singme , how's it going did you tell DM and D F the truth ? I still haven't and they seem to accept we've split but not why.

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