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Dont know what to do......(5 Posts)
Hi All, I'm hoping someone can help me understand the thoughts that are whizzing through my head.
I've have been with my OH for 14 years, a first relationship for both. Unfortunately, 3 years ago I went through a difficult time and found that my support network wasn't there. I seeked comfort from someone else. I hate myself for ever doing what i did. It was never anything sexual just messages.
After my OH found out i returned home and never dealt with anything. The same happened 4 months later.
Following this, I realized the devastation i caused and made it m priority that i became a better person and put my OH first. We built a new relationship, and for 3 years i thought we had an even stronger bond....even planned a wedding! We are due to getting married later this year.
However, since Christmas my OH has been distant and difficult. He left 2 weeks ago. He says, he cant stop thinking about what happened 3 years ago and though he loves me and doesnt want to throw away 14 years he cant bring himself to deal with it. He says the past 3 years hes been burying the emotions thinking it would get better and the pressure of the wedding is getting him down.
I love him dearly, and hate myself. It pains me the thought of how it made him feel for all this time. I just dont know what to do.
We keep meeting up to talk about things, and sometimes it goes well and we understand each other, and sometimes he just throws blame at me.
With the deadline of wedding contracts glooming we have found ourselves in a difficult position.
I need advice, I just dont know what to do anymore
Push the wedding back OP, sort out your relationship.
Try couples counselling, if it end your relationship then so be it but at least you will know you have tried.
Cancel the wedding.
Leave him alone for a while so he can decide what he needs to do to deal with the betrayal.
Does he know about the second occasion?
Yes he knows everything. I owned up to all my mistakes. When I asked him if I had done anything in the past 3 years to make him doubt me..he said no. Because there really isn’t anything. I just understand why he has suddenly changed his mind 3 years later
He's tried to cope with your betrayal and can't. I don't blame him.
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