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Child access

(146 Posts)
Lettucepray Thu 25-Jan-18 20:15:48

My ex is not allowed to see our daughter , since last June because of his drinking and mental health. Cafcass are very supportive of me and very concerned about my ex and his ability to parent appropriately. He is allowed phone contact twice per week fir the last few months. He has been recording these conversations despite being told he should not because it is emotionally abusive. Final hearing in Feb. Have a letter from his solicitor which details a nightmare our daughter had about me and says this is evidence that not having contact is emotional abuse? Our daughter is absolutly fine and happy, Cafcass have no issues what so ever with my parenting. I am very tempted to cease phone contact until the final hearing, I am livid that he has continued to record his conversions with dd. It is further evident to me of his inability to put dd needs before his own. He has long history of mental health issues and is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder some years ago. I believe he has cluster b personality disorder which incorporates anti social and narcissistic personality disorder. Cafcass agree with me, I am.hoping the judges agree too. Any advice??

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PerfectPenquins Thu 25-Jan-18 20:21:03

If you have evidence he is recording the phone calls then yes I would stop the contact. It’s such a simple thing to do if he can’t comply with that I’d have no faith in him being any good at parenting

Lettucepray Thu 25-Jan-18 20:22:49

Yes he 'urgently' had his solicitor send the recordings to Cafcass........

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SD1978 Thu 25-Jan-18 20:24:02

Whilst he should t be recording the calls- is he actually doing anything abusive or manipulating during the calls, or just recording them? Are you also recording them, hence how you know what is being said? If you don’t have proof of anything other than recordings, which then can’t be used by him as evidence anyway, that doesn’t seem enough to cease contact, and you could be in contempt of current orders, which would be advantageous for his case.

Lettucepray Thu 25-Jan-18 20:26:02

I haven't recorded no. His solicitor wrote my solicitor a letter confirming he has recorded all calls with dd. He wants the courts to listen to recordings. It's deranged!

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Lettucepray Thu 25-Jan-18 20:26:55

He was told by Cafcass not to record.

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SD1978 Thu 25-Jan-18 20:29:39

They’ll never listen to them as they are illegal recordings. But is he actually abusive or manipulating during the calls. Or just recording them? I wouldn’t be breaking a court order if he isn’t actually ‘doing’ something during the calls, even if he’s been advised by CAFCASS not to.

Lettucepray Thu 25-Jan-18 20:39:39

I don't listen to calls, just snippits as I tend to leave her to it as they go on for an hour +. I'm annoyed that he is trying to catch me out, cause upset and mayhem, which is all too easy for him. He honestly believes (I think) that the courts are going to listen to these recordings and give him immediate access......they are not, Cafcass have massive concerns. He is trying to cause drama and unsettle me, I know this. He tried to make out a month ago that I didn't answer my phone on one occasion for contact. He didn't call, my phone log proves this. I will call my Cafcass officer tomorrow.

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Lettucepray Fri 26-Jan-18 10:55:14

Getting more mad by the minute!! Such a gross invasion of my dd's privacy, who doesn't want to talk to daddy for a bit as I was informed this morning. Should I contact police as it seems it is illegal?

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MrsBertBibby Fri 26-Jan-18 15:09:39

Does your daughter know he recording her? How does she know?

Lettucepray Fri 26-Jan-18 15:10:43

She didn't but she does now and is very upset about it.

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MrsBertBibby Fri 26-Jan-18 19:07:03

Who told her?

MrsBertBibby Fri 26-Jan-18 19:07:48

Who told her?

Oooocrikeyitscold Fri 26-Jan-18 19:12:27

But if his not being mean towards your DD then surely you want your DD to have a relationship with her father?

MissMouseMcPhee Fri 26-Jan-18 19:12:46

How does your daughter know that he was recording the calls?

Lettucepray Fri 26-Jan-18 19:13:50

I told her. Cafcass are backing me on no phone contact. He's messed up bigtime and in his bid to try and catch me out has hurt his daughter, who is very upset that her dad recorded her private conversation with him and then tried to get her mum in trouble by telling his solicitor and Cafcass.

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MissMouseMcPhee Fri 26-Jan-18 19:14:07

Have you considered a supervised contact centre?

Lettucepray Fri 26-Jan-18 19:18:20


Yes I do, which is why I put up with hell from him for years....the drinking, the getting arrested too numerous times to mention, the suicide threats, the evictions from every flat he had, the having to have him living at mine everytime he became homeless. I put up with way to much because he was a master at playing on my emotions and emotionally blackmailing me......all because I wanted my daughter to have a relationship with her dad.

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MissMouseMcPhee Fri 26-Jan-18 19:18:37

How old is your daughter? Why did you feel she needed to know about the callsbeing recorded?

Lettucepray Fri 26-Jan-18 19:20:26

Cafcass and the courts have said it isn't appropriate for his case.

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MrsBertBibby Fri 26-Jan-18 19:21:06

Why in the world did you tell her?

He's clearly unhinged, and the courts take an extremely dim view of recording kids to get evidence, but you telling her just compounds the problems.

I fear you will get your own share of criticism for having not protected her from his idiocy.

Lettucepray Fri 26-Jan-18 19:21:34


She is 7 and she has a right to know, Cafcass agree.

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MissMouseMcPhee Fri 26-Jan-18 19:29:31

I don't agree. I think 7 year olds should be shielded from as much adult shit as possible.

WetWipeofWonder Fri 26-Jan-18 19:32:59

She's doesn't have a right or a need to know. You're dragging a child into some seriously unpleasant adult business. You need to leave your kid out of it.

Oooocrikeyitscold Fri 26-Jan-18 19:37:45

Sounds incredibly challenging but apart from him recording them you haven’t said he was mean to her. A 7 year old on the phone for an hour, she must like the contact?

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