This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
divorce and finances advice(11 Posts)
I'd like if possible another perspective about splitting finances with STBX. I'm respondent in divorce- the marriage just broke down. We both love our children dearly, so we don't want them to grown up in a tense household. I'm a man by the way.
STBX and I have exchanged form Es mid-December.
Towards the end of the form, she ticked that she wants home to be signed over to her in her name, spousal maintenance and a share of my pension. Based on what I have written below, does she have a strong case?
Basic details. 11 year marriage, 2 kids - 5 and 10 year old. I'd like to share parenting with STBX - 30-40% of time after divorce.
My assets :
110k in shared home (50% value)
My net income per month is 3k
110k in home
Pension that she hasn't disclosed value of (12 years of service)
200k other property
Her net income per month is 4.2k.
Our outgoings are broadly similar. We are both very active in the upbringing of the children.
I am worried sick! I don't want to be broke and destitute- I will need what savings I have to rehouse myself in something that is acceptable for the children. I have heard that if this can't be sorted out amicably, the court proceedings to defend myself against her settlement push could easily drain my savings. She can afford to take it to court, I can't.
Any advice and guidance would be most welcomed. Thank you people.
Please don't quote this message in reply, in case I need to delete this message. Thanks.
All assets are in the pot inc her pension and all properties. Based on her being the higher earner it is highly highly unlikely she’ll get spousal. You should be going for a clean break and if anything you receiving a higher split
You need good legal advice, dontvscrimp on that
Get some legal advice OP and her pension valuation. The pension could be worth more than your house. A good solicitor will help you construct a good counter offer and help you understand what a possible settlement might look like
You have savings and a decent income. Why on earth wouldn't you pay for proper advice from a solicitor?
After you get legal advice ensure that you agree a settlement in mediation. My ex could afford to take me to court. fourteen hearings and four years later, neither of us could get on with our separate lives as his solicitor and barrister worked the system for their gain at the expense of the assets of both parties. Courts are not fair and they do not apply their own rules, when mixed with greedy solicitors it is an exhausting abusive mess contrived to fund the legal profession. I have the transcripts to prove it.
Thank you all for the advice. Irrespective of her wealth, my intention will be to make sure that the kids have a roof over their heads, and a decent small flat for myself.
Sadly I have to say agree with @Daisybarker123 - I had no chance of agreeing at mediation - a lucky diagnosis of breast cancer gave me funds to pursue through courts - but also gave sols a fund to deplete by telling me I would be better off if went to full court hearing as strong case for joint lives spousal. Despite telling them I did not want to do this they led case in this direction and then bailed 6 weeks before court hearing.
Ended up self repping and got completely shafted - I would have been financially better off taking the settlement and mentally would not be in the depths of severe depression. I'm trying to salvage some of the mess I have been left in but the strain of 4 years of divorcing a narcisstic x and the continuing abuse I am still under from him via the systems means I am pretty close to breakdown.
Make sure you get a good recommendation for a solicitor is all I can say ask on here - I came away feeling I had been abused twice first by my x and then by sols.
@MrsBertBibby don't suppose you know anyone that deals with solicitor professional negligence or surveyor professional negligence or lack of duty of care when dealing with Mental Health
I am currently dealing with a fraudulent sale of a co-owned property by my ex and his solicitor, who was in charge of the conveyance, so that she could deduct his legal costs from my share of sale proceeds. The property was undersold by a corrupt estate agent. I have sent all details of the fraudulent sale (my offer to purchase was ignored) to the Solicitors Regulation Authority. I have sent all details of vexatious litigation, including his solicitor lying to the court to get hearings and then costs ordered against me to Solicitors Regulation authority. I have written to Property Ombudsman giving details of corrupt estate agent.
The bottom line is a complaint to Judicial Conduct investigations office, as the court failed to act impartially and sealed orders which allowed the fraud to take place. I could not prove most of this if I did not have the transcripts, orders and a copy of the court file. If you were shafted at the final hearing, my guess is practice directions were breached, (this is done by all including the court), apply for the transcript then you can appeal against the orders. My transcripts prove that the court deliberately discounted the truth and used only false evidence supplied by the represented party to seal unjust orders to suit them, this is corruption. To make allegations stick you need the evidence. It is easy to apply for transcripts.To have the evidence of injustice is worth its weight in gold and redresses some of the balance. The only time I saw two judges visibly shaken was when I advised I was getting transcripts. I have also applied for the forms for a Judicial review of my case from Ministry of Justice, this also raised concerns. I am very sorry you were abused in court, I was also. It is an elaborate scam run to benefit the legal profession with the abuse of self representing litigants overlooked to protract proceedings and justify costs. In my case the court blamed me for its non-existent case management so that it could justify passing my ex's costs onto me. This corruption I intend passing onto Judicial Conduct Investigations office using transcripts. The Codes of Conduct are published for SRA so are Codes of Conduct for Estate agent, a review of these will highlight breaches.
Some of the posts here seem irrelevant to the op.
Seems you are going for a roughly 33:67 split of childcare. On that basis I can't see why she would get 100% of the property. The rest would depend on the value of her pension though if it is similar to yours then it would seem reasonable that you both stick with what you have as she already has more savings and a larger income.
I think what both daisy and I are trying to highlight is that not all solicitors act in clients best interests and this Op having a savings pot could quite easily see these used up by legal process.
I'm not sure why she is asking for spousal maintenance unless she is confusing this with some child maintenance and there is the other property and her pension not been taken into account from what Op says.
Maybe there are two many people self repping these days as legal fees are out of reach for most and so when joe public comes along who have some funds they are taken advantage of.
Who knows but unless these situations are shared everyone remains ignorant of it all
Just a heads up to try and go with a good recomendation
all assets owned by both go into the pot. the starting point is 50/50. Unlikley she'll get spousal maintenance as she earns more. Go for a clean break.
Child maintenance will have to be calculated.
Unlikely she'll be awareded the marital home without having to buy you out of your share. People become too clingy about marital homes in divorce - it becomes some form of signifier. It shouldn't be. Sell it, split the money. Kids will adapt and everyone will be better with a clean start
Don't worry, you won't be destitiute.
Please login first.