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Ex refusing to take direct contact with me regarding children post divorce

(9 Posts)
MrsMummy500 Sat 13-Jan-18 23:16:35

My Ex left me three years ago for someone at work. We are now divorced as of June this year.

I have a non molestation order which was granted for 18 months but which runs out in February and he has breached this many times and has criminally harrassed me and my new partner (accordng to the police) and I am considering criminal charges.

He has said now that he doesn't want to have any direct contact with me at all, (the order does not preclude civil communication, only abusive or harassing) and says that he will never be able to be civil to me etc. He believes that any direct communication from me is a form of provocation and he feels harrassed.

I am a reasonable person but I don't see how this can be workable without incurring the cost of a lawyer to communicate - it will cost both hundreds of pounds to arrange holidays, even communicate about kids parties etc, football matches, illnes etc. I rarely contact him and have only done so since Christmas.

The tone of my communication with him has (much to his annoyance) been calm and civil but his to me are exclusively abusive. There was a lot of abuse in the marriage and I guess I'm so inured it washes off now.

I am asking whether anybody knows of a third party impartial communicator or mediator that will deal with the simple stuff about whether the shin pads were left at his, or what to pack in the weekend bag or details of kid's parties.

Maybe there is an app or an organisation that deals with this? I've tried contact centres but they've said that there is no such service.

It is certainly not something I would like a friend to do as he is particularly coercive and tells so many lies that I have already lost mutual 'friends' who have stepped up to the job previously.

thanks x

OP’s posts: |
Whatiwishfor Sun 14-Jan-18 01:10:55

Use a communication book, that's what my solicitor recommended to me, just hand it back and forth as needed. Iv had to let a lot of stuff go and only communicate about things that are important, everyday stuff i just don't ask about. My children are only 3 and 4, so its not as if they can really tell me.

MrsBertBibby Sun 14-Jan-18 09:25:52

He can pay a lawyer to communicate with you if he wants. You don't have to.

Has he admitted his inability to refrain from harassing you in writing? If he keeps breaching, you could apply to continue the term of the non mol.

MrsMummy500 Sun 14-Jan-18 13:28:48

he is refusing to retain his lawyer, despite my protestations and keeps proposing lots of his long term friends who have little idea of how strained the situation is or how bad his mental health is.

OP’s posts: |
MrsMummy500 Sun 14-Jan-18 13:30:16

Whatiwishfor do you mean a hard copy or online? If so, could you post a link. thanks!

OP’s posts: |
MrsBertBibby Sun 14-Jan-18 13:33:50

There are, of course, apps for this

He can't make you communicate through his mates.

MrsBertBibby Sun 14-Jan-18 13:36:12

Notallthat Sun 14-Jan-18 13:36:50

Do neither of you have a family member who can step in purely as a third party forward emails/texts? It sounds like a perfectly logical step to me and I'm sure one of you must have someone who can forward an email/text. They don't even have to read it.

MrsMummy500 Sun 14-Jan-18 21:18:22

MrsBB - thank you - this is exactly what I am after. Let's see if he bites, I doubt he will though as I think this is more about inconveniencing me.

Notallthat - sadly no, my family also have a non mol order and he communicate with his parents and his sisters detest me.

OP’s posts: |

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