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If he doesn’t bring the kids back what do I do?

(26 Posts)
Heatherjayne1972 Fri 12-Jan-18 16:55:27

So the ex has got himself a place after living with his mother
He wants the kids with him every weekend from Friday evening to Sunday evening
I’ve said no latest is Sunday morning as we do family stuff on Sunday’s
He’s refusing. Wants his own way
We don’t have a court order as he didn’t turn up to the hearing The court papers just say that I’m to facilitate contact -which I have
I feel im being more than fair as a court would grant every other weekend
So what do I do if he refuses to give the kids back on Sunday mornings?
Do I call the police? Or if not then who?

OP’s posts: |
Notreallyarsed Fri 12-Jan-18 16:57:16

Does he have parental rights? If so, you need an order in place otherwise there is nothing you can do if he won’t give them back. I had to do this with XH.

Arcadia Fri 12-Jan-18 17:00:36

I would refuse to hand them over until it is agreed.

Heatherjayne1972 Fri 12-Jan-18 17:19:53

Unfortunately they’re old enough to recognise his car and dash out the door before I can stop them
Looks like it’s back to court then

OP’s posts: |
helpfulperson Fri 12-Jan-18 17:22:25

But surely most EOW access is until Sunday evening. I'm sure he wants to do 'family stuff' with his children on Sunday as well.

titchy Fri 12-Jan-18 17:24:12

It's every weekend - not eow.....

Heatherjayne1972 Fri 12-Jan-18 18:29:35

He wants every weekend. Am I not allowed a weekend with my children
I work full time too

OP’s posts: |
Partyfops Fri 12-Jan-18 18:32:02

Let him have the week with the getting dressed and out the door on time, the clubs, the homework.

I would fight for this OP. He sounds like a dick!

titchy Fri 12-Jan-18 18:32:07

Of course! So let him have eow, but include sunday and give him one night midweek to make up.

AdalindSchade Fri 12-Jan-18 18:33:46

tell him he can have every other weekend. Don't agree to every weekend.

Quartz2208 Fri 12-Jan-18 18:35:50

If the court says faciliate contact and its not set in stone EOW and one night midweek

Tell him to take you back to court if he does not like it

If you work full time every weekend is not fair tell him that

Heatherjayne1972 Fri 12-Jan-18 18:37:24

That’s the point I don’t agree to every weekend but this mans a bully and will just keep the kids whether I agree or not

I just don’t know who to call when I’m outside his house wanting the kids back

OP’s posts: |
PigletWasPoohsFriend Fri 12-Jan-18 18:41:33

I’ve said no latest is Sunday morning as we do family stuff on Sunday’s

He is entitled to do family stuff on Sunday's too.

By all means negotiate EOW and proprobably 2 nights during the week, but start with that argument in court and you will already be in the back foot.

AdalindSchade Fri 12-Jan-18 18:47:35

You can let him have them this weekend then refuse next weekend. And refuse altogether if he gets abusive.

titchy Fri 12-Jan-18 19:02:45

Well if he had eow you wouldnt be waiting outside the house on a sunday - in fact you could let him have sunday night too and he has to drip at school.

Try that, then the following weekend just dont let them go.

Quartz2208 Fri 12-Jan-18 19:45:03

Could you be somewhere else when he turns up

Quartz2208 Fri 12-Jan-18 19:46:01

and go back to court and get it court ordered

ClaryFray Sat 13-Jan-18 10:32:06

EOW going forward. And one night in the week. Either staying with him the night, or a few hours. Then home to you for bed.

Email him it so there's a paper trail. And then refuse to hand over Friday.

Heatherjayne1972 Sat 13-Jan-18 10:46:18

Thanks all. I’m ok with every other weekend. It’s every weekend that’s not happening He doesn’t even want the kids midweek so that’s fine and he won’t ever ever take them to school - that’s ‘woman’s work ‘ you see
This man is a verbal bully and has been abusive to me in the past
He doesn’t act like a normal person you cant reason with him he tells me what’s happening and expects me (and everyone else) to do it
So frustrating
But thanks for your help

OP’s posts: |
Heatherjayne1972 Sat 13-Jan-18 10:47:23

And no I don’t have his email address. I’m not allowed it. He contacts me through fb messenger

OP’s posts: |
ItStartedWithAKiss241 Sat 13-Jan-18 10:50:41

I’d let him have them this Sunday but text him and say you didn’t agree to Sunday and he kept them anyway and a ‘reminder’ that you agree to his contact from this time to Sunday morning... if he keeps them Sunday next week then stop contact. He will take you back to court and you can get set days/ every other weekend.
It is a long process but sounds like is what is needed for you both.
I don’t think he is being unreasonable wanting them Sunday btw. You are also not being unreasonable wanting equal ‘weekend time’.
So every other weekend and one night midweek for tea after school?? Is a good idea x

juneau Sat 13-Jan-18 10:50:41

You most definitely need court-mandated contact - that way when he doesn't stick to it you have some power over him. Not having a court order when your ex is a bully is the way to him having ongoing control over you. You need a judge to mandate contact - no question about it.

rainbowstardrops Sat 13-Jan-18 10:52:21

Definitely go to court and get everything in place legally. He’s clearly not someone you feel you can reason with and so he will continue to bully you otherwise

Whatiwishfor Sat 13-Jan-18 11:11:31

I was in the same situation, he took me to court in the end and tbh it was the best thing! There are set days and times and consequences if he doesnt (and i) dont stick to it.

Its lovely that your children rush out, means they want to go with him, but they also need time with you. Im guessing their at school all week as well. So realistically don't get to spend much time with you. Its in their best interests to spend time with the both of you., A court orders the way to go!! Of course there is a risk that either of you don't get what you want but the court will do whats in the best interest of the children, and its set in stone, believe me it reduces the stress.

Butterymuffin Sat 13-Jan-18 12:24:54

Court for sure with someone like this.

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