Take him to court to see his kids!!!

[Gemmafionadeeble]

I am so frustrated!!!

My ex-husband is such a lame excuse for a parent!

He only lives 30 minutes away and has them every other weekend. Thats it. No contact in between nothing. I have to fight him to make contact with them as they want it and it's me that see's the heartbreak when he doesn't call/facetime. They are 11 and 6. We've only been separted a year. He lives with his new GF and her 2 kids and I know this upsets my 2 that he is with them.

We are currently arguing about the school holidays. He has 40 days AL per year, he's in Army and get loads! He is saying he doesn't have to have them at all and quite frankly isn't interested in any extra time over and above his weekend. I also work full time!

I feel like I need to take him to court to make him see his own kids, make him have contact and make him responsible for half the school holidays - why is it all my job?!?!

Anyone else done this?

thanks x

[Penfold007]

The non-resident parent can't be forced to parent. It's awful for you and your DC.

[Thursdaydreaming]

No tips from me but what an awful, useless person he is! Sorry you are dealing with this.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

On the plus side, it's better that your kids have minimal contact with someone that useless, imagine the example he sets :(

[happyinthehaze]

I feel your pain. I am in an almost identical situ.
My ex had recently started a new job. As a result he will only see our children eow. Usual arrangement was from Fri teatime to Sun teatime. He is now saying it may not be till Sat morning. So just 1 night in 14, which IMO is just not enough.
I also mentioned school holiday and his opinion is why should he have to have his children extra if he’s paying maintenance.
It makes me so angry and upset on the children’s behalf.
However as previous poster says, there’s nothing to make a parent actively parent and support their kids, which is wrong and so unfair on the mum who’s left trying to work, look after her children etc So I don’t think you can actually deal with this in court.
Sorry, I have no answers, but I wanted to sympathise and say you’re not alone

[Gemmafionadeeble]

Thanks @happyinthehaze
Sounds exactly the same.
Sadest thing is he thinks he is hurting me but it's them! It's all about me and he thinks it will ruin my plans....

He don't know yet I am 7 weeks PG with my new partner and that going to make all this a whole lot worse - actually that is an understatement.

Just not fair that I know so many dads desperate to see their kids and I'm left dealing with one that doesn't want to do anything more than the minimal.

Heartbreaking for the kids. and me that I was with him for so long and he's like this deep down.

xx

[happyinthehaze]

I understand. My 2 see how my BF is with his children - he sees his every weekend, days in the week, extra in hols and will always help if he can if his ex asks. They ask why their Dad isn’t the same... what can you say?!
And I totally agree that they think they’re somehow getting at us with their horrid behaviour. What my ex doesn’t realise is that I’ve long since written him off as being of no real support. I’m just waiting for the sad day when my DC think the same 😕
Congratulations on your pregnancy, but sadly I agree that this news could open a new chapter of difficulty for you. Do your DC have s good relationship with your new partner?

[Gemmafionadeeble]

Yep my kids have amazing time with my new partner - but again I have EXACTLY the same issues. We have his daughter every other weekend and once in week and he facetimes her every night....and is fighting for more time from the witch that won't let him have a second more than their contact order! Then my daughter starts about why her Daddy doesn't call her etc....luckily partner steps in and makes the best for her

Just makes me feel bad for them, feel bad that I created this for them by wanting and putting my happiness first, which I do know in turn was the best thing for them, but doens't make this any easier to deal with. x

[Alittleconcerned1980]

Genuine question

Why do you want to push contact?

So your children want to see more of him, but is that them desperately trying to foster a relationship with someone who isn’t that bothered about them? In which case I would be satisfied with the current situation.

Do you want more time to yourself?

I ask that as a single mother and no judgement

[Gemmafionadeeble]

They miss him.

They ask daily to speak and see him and want more time and contact with him. It
Upsets me that due to me being selfish and making myself happy by leaving him, I have caused them so much pain and upset that they don't get to see their dad as much.

So I try to push him to see them as much as possible..... as it's me that deals with their tears when he's not called.

Of course the free time is nice.... but that's not what this is about. I've baby on way so I won't have any free weekends soon so it's not about that right now.

I also need help from him to have them in the holidays. Why should I have to sort out all 12 weeks when I work full time too? Seems he just pays and that's his responsibility done. Want him to take more and be more and not
Leave the kids wanting more. I know he will have to answer to them in the end. Just very hurtful and upsetting right now that he feels like hurting me is more beneficial to him that having his kids during his leave.

Guess can't force him to parent and have to get on with it or hit Jeremy Kyle up! Xx

[ClaryFray]

You can go to court but he can not turn up, then if he does and is ordered more he can just refuse or cancel.

Can't force him to parent sadly.

[HalfMyLife]

Just wanted to give you and sympathy.
I'm in a similar situation - my STBXH only sees our DCs once ever 3 or 4 weeks though, and with about 4 days notice each time so they get upset that they never know when they are going to see him next. He also won't use any of this holiday entitlement to see them in school hols/xmas/birthdays etc.
It's so frustrating that there's nothing any of us in this situation can do, as others have said - can't force them to parent.
As far as he's concerned, they're happy when they're with him so they're fine. My DS (11) told me last night that he feels like he has to be happy when he's with his dad otherwise he might not want to see them at all - he feels like his dad doesn't care about them anymore. It's absolutely heartbreaking.
I'm considering telling him he can either have them regularly, ie every 3rd (or even 4th) weekend so that the kids can look on a calendar and KNOW when they'll see daddy next - OR not at all. DS has said that he wouldn't even mind only seeing him once a month if they had a set date and could look forward to it.