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Mediation with Emotional Abuser

(6 Posts)
FrustrationNation Thu 11-Jan-18 16:46:28

Hi everyone,

I am about to embark on mediation (shuttle mediation) to get an agreement in place with my STBXH on our children. For context: At the moment he see's them every other weekend and extra in holidays, but is living in his mums spare bedroom. He may, or may not, move out at some point. He has never cooked in 15 years of marriage, the girls are still young, one in nappies, he doesn't change nappies.

I'm not sure what I need to be looking for in an agreement. I want to be able to have contact in writing, but also levels of communication and he is very nasty about me to the children and it is causing them distress. Health visitors, school nurse and social workers are aware but can I get this get these sorts of things written down? I'm waiting on the initial appointment and just trying to prepare myself! I also would like him to agree to cooking/parenting classes should he move out. Would this be possible?

Help!

Feeling relief I'm out of it but it's a long road!

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FrustrationNation Fri 12-Jan-18 07:33:40

Anyone?

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plasticcheese Fri 12-Jan-18 08:58:05

I believe that if you want contact arrangements for the children in writing then you will have to go to court for an order, even if you can agree through shuttle mediation. Not sure if a judge will take into account things like cooking, I doubt it though.

FrustrationNation Fri 12-Jan-18 10:31:40

Yeah I thought that might be a long shot. The solicitor said if we can agree god mediation they can get it signed off in court but to be honest I suspect he's going to be nasty. Just need to try my best!

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Whatiwishfor Fri 12-Jan-18 10:46:29

Hows he going to change the nappies? how does he do it already?? Iv just been through shuttle mediation and then court. My husband is really nasty and manipulative. My kids are a little older 3 and 4. The court order has been a God sent. Iv had issues in pretty much every area including eating! bathing, medical advice not being followed etc etc etc. A year on my ex is still very difficult but it has become easier as iv become mentally stronger. Shuttle mediation did not work as he refused to return and then just took me to court. The court went in my favour as i was child focused and he wasn't.
Its a long old journey but your get there, i'm just so glad my children are young.

FrustrationNation Fri 12-Jan-18 11:11:49

Mine are 2 and 5, at the moment the grandparents do it all. It sounds like your ex is a lot like mine!

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