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To all the survivors...

(40 Posts)
whatnextfred Mon 25-Dec-17 12:51:30

Happy Christmas! This time last year was the worst. Now XDH cheated in Oct and I threw him out. 13 years, 3dc, had given up career and moved country to be with him and raise dc.... I cried all Xmas day last year which we spent together for the sake of dc. I almost slept with him Xmas eve. I saw a video of the OW by accident on Xmas which was very very detailed and intimate.... threw up, spent night having panic attacks - you get the picture.

This year I’m in my new house with my new bf who is great. Dc due in an hour. Have had a great morning. Almost one semester done of a Masters I started in Sept.... life is back on track and more, much more.

To anyone hanging in there this year, hold on. It does and will get better xx

Secretsout Mon 25-Dec-17 16:15:24

Similar here. 20+ years married to a horrible nasty narc, forgave him time after time for repeated affairs and twatish behaviour.

I filed for divorce just before Xmas last year and have spent the last year being subjected to his escalating abusive behaviour. Xmas day last year was awful. We’d told the kids but agreed we’d all spend the day together. It’s been a Horrible, acrimonious divorce. My absolute came through 2 weeks ago and I’m sat here now with my two amazing teenagers and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. He, on the other hand, is struggling massively with his shiny new single life (that he craved for years)
I’m so happy I could burst (nothing to do with the huge dinner we’ve eaten)

OurMiracle1106 Mon 25-Dec-17 16:25:27

I’m 6 years post leaving my abusive cocaine addicted ex husband.

I’m almost recovered from surgery I had in November to fix my collar bone which he caused (injury was 10 years old). I lost my mum my home my marriage and my child was placed for adoption- this is Christmas number 4 without them but I’m in a good place.

I have not just a flat but a home with lovely flatmates, I am working full time in a job I adore. I have good friends and I’m dating a kind and loving man.

I’m now no longer a victim but a survivor and it feels good!! Merry Christmas to all the other strong women out there fsmile

whatnextfred Mon 25-Dec-17 17:02:28

Well done Ladies! Happy Christmas xx

MayorOfOz Mon 25-Dec-17 20:09:06

I needed to read this today, thank you.

whatnextfred Mon 25-Dec-17 20:28:08

Glad it helped Mayor. Be strong x

MayorOfOz Tue 26-Dec-17 07:04:10

Thanks whatnext. So many parallels between your first post and my Christmas Day yesterday, so it really does give me hope that next Christmas Day I will be in a better place (though I can't contemplate meeting anyone else ever again!) Thank you so much for giving me hope flowers

Olicity17 Tue 26-Dec-17 07:07:32

I needed this. Just done my first christmas as a single. It was fucking awful. Kids with me in the morning. Rest of the day, i could have curled up and died.

twoshineyshoesahhaeyetoeye Tue 26-Dec-17 08:39:23

I needed to read this too, thankyou. Feel like a slave, abusive twunt. Yesterday will be my last with him, never another Christmas shall I need to endure. Thankyou for posting that, I will be that strong woman.

RainbowHash Fri 29-Dec-17 19:24:50

Yes thank you for this post. It's lovely to hear a positive story. My H and I have agreed to separate although we're still living together at the mo. Christmas really bought the reality of my situation home to me and have been feeling very sorry for myself, assuming I'm going to be alone and single for the rest of my life. Maybe that's not gonna be the case, but i have to take it on board as a possibility. Either way, I guess in a year I will have adjusted to a new way of life and hopefully it won't be so scary and overwhelming. Thanks again for sharing. X

Wintersnow17 Tue 02-Jan-18 00:56:04

Thanks for posting positive messages, it gives hope when there seems none. First Christmas after DH told me of affair a few months ago. Have had a decent time thanks to support of family and friends but still seems desolate so to hear these stories gives much needed boost.
Thank you x hopefully I'll be able to post positive story next Christmas X

whatnextfred Tue 02-Jan-18 12:41:40

Feel free to post here for support ladies.... here’s to kicking ass in 2018!

Shandybass Tue 02-Jan-18 23:42:21

I was similar stayed together last Christmas for the sake of the dcs, separated in May. This Christmas it’s been really hard. I expected to feel better, relieved but I’m still feeling the loss of having a dh, family and couple friends. It is often a lonely anxious place on the other side. I think things could be better but seeing exdh move on and very much in love has stopped me being able to move on myself as I keep looking at him instead of my future.
One day at a time. Cheers to strong women.

whatnextfred Thu 04-Jan-18 08:39:08

I found when I was hurting really badly over how he was behaving / who he was sleeping with etc to just remember I didn’t want him now... I didn’t want someone who treated me like that and the rest was just grief, which would pass with time. It didn’t take the hurt away but it strengthened me enough to eat through it. I feel I’ve turned a massive corner but only in the past month or so. Give yourselves time ladies and try and limit contact as much as possible in the meanwhile

rhubarbandcustardcrumble Wed 10-Jan-18 12:37:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatnextfred Thu 11-Jan-18 19:38:21

My first part of divorce comes through next week.... have decided to revert to maiden name

whatnextfred Sun 18-Feb-18 16:02:04

Hi all

I’m struggling really badly. Dc just had a week away with ex without me and it’s nearly killed me. Divorce will be final in ten days and I’m so sad I feel I could just curl up and die

whatnextfred Sun 18-Feb-18 17:07:24

Anyone there?

Hithere1981 Sun 18-Feb-18 17:11:53

It’s ok OP.
The children are back with you.

Why are you sad? Is your new boyfriend still in the scene?

I’m 1.5 year post separation and 6 months post divorce. I’m happy. Why? I think in part because I take things slowly. Wouldn’t consider a new relationship. The focus needs to be myself and children. It’s uncomplicated and, as a result, better for all. I’d recommend.

whatnextfred Sun 18-Feb-18 17:13:49

He’s a big help but not a crutch. Was 9/10 months out before I met him and am not rushing anything. I think it’s just grief and sadness at the loss of the family unit. I never wanted to end up divorced. Not that I’d even consider taking him back but I guess the reality is just making me sad

Shandybass Mon 19-Feb-18 13:45:48

I am 10 months post separating and still get really sad. It is that realisation that the marriage failed and that is sad. I really tried but he just wouldn’t open up and meet me half way and I just got more and more frustrated and him bitter and distant.
Now I feel guilty but mainly sad and I’m worse when the children are away. I think it’s my family’s reaction as well they’ve just let me get on with it and ignored the subject totally. I’m not very good at asking for support. I feel I’m boring and sad, crying if people talk about it and that I should be getting my life together now, but all that does is makes me feel worse and more withdrawn.
It does go in fazes though and I dobhave better days. I never expected to feel this sad though. I was relieved to get out, but I see no better future.

HalfMyLife Wed 21-Feb-18 16:41:11

@shandybass I'm 10 months post separation too, and i still get really sad at times even though I'm relieved to be without him.

STBXH doesn't see the DC very often, and they struggle with that so it's their constant hurt that stops me being able to move on as i feel a constant rage towards him for how he's treating the 2 people he should put ahead of anyone else. I also feel like i'm sometimes boring friends and family, who assure me that i can rant to them about it as much as i like, but i still feel like a stuck record at times.
I struggle to concentrate at work, and i can feel that some people at work are thinking 'pfft, it's been almost a year now - get over it' - but i feel like i'm never going to be over it, and feel almost obsessive about it all. REally hoping that things really do get better, and that in another 10 months i'll feel completely different

Shandybass Wed 21-Feb-18 19:34:00

@Halfmylife. It’s reassuring to hear someone else in a stuck record sadness after all this time, although it’s really not a good place to be. I am a positive person and I do really try to see the positives and in most aspects there’s nothing wrong with my life but still I’m overwhelmingly sad. I wish in a way it was anger as that can’t last still I’m sure there’s a ray of sunshine out there and each day has treats but I need to shake the sad roots and get him from under my skin.

whatnextfred Wed 21-Feb-18 22:16:22

I’ve had an awful day. Awful. Hugs to all

HalfMyLife Thu 22-Feb-18 03:09:25

@whatnextfred big hugs to you x

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