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Christmas during separation

(5 Posts)
onedayatatime2710 Sun 17-Dec-17 11:47:49

I'm just hoping to get some advice on how other people deal with Christmas during a fairly new separation?

To try make a long story short, my husband walked out on me and my 3 year old at the end of October for a teenager he met at the start of October. To make things worse I'm pregnant and due in 5 weeks with our second daughter so trying to think clearly with everything that's going on has proven really difficult.

STBXH and OW are full blown public with their relationship, all over Facebook on a daily basis, just been on holiday - the lot and unfortunately my daughter has not been much of a priority and he's not even going to be at the birth of his daughter which doesn't bother him. I have continuously tried to initiate contact, gave him 2 boxes full of stuff to decorate a room at his flat for her, offered overnights until I am blue in the face etc but at most he will see her for 4-5 hours at a time once or twice a week and said he's no money or time to sort a room for her and the baby just now (taking the OW on holiday is obviously costly and timely). My daughter has really struggled but we have a good support network of friends and family and we are both starting to get to a good place of being used to him not here in time for the baby coming.

Now the topic of Christmas. When he left we agreed I would have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and he would have Boxing Day - he doesn't like Christmas and wasn't planning on buying her presents whereas me and my family are very big on lots of traditions and all the magic of Christmas. So much so his family minus him are joining us Christmas Day for dinner. However, yesterday he said to my daughter that he would be here on Christmas morning to watch her open her presents from Santa. My question is - do I allow this? If I am honest, selfishly I don't want him here. He's ruined so much, caused so much damage, hasn't paid for a single Christmas present and doesn't have any remorse about what he's put is through for this random OW. I've tried so hard over the last few weeks to put my hatred and heartbreak aside for my daughter because I want her to have a relationship with her dad but I just don't know what to do with this situation.

Any advice would be great

OP’s posts: |
Blackteadrinker77 Sun 17-Dec-17 12:02:55

Have you asked him why he said that when it hasn't been agreed?

He needs to know now that he can't just decide things on his own.

onedayatatime2710 Sun 17-Dec-17 20:56:19

Unfortunately he does things like this and seems to deliberately say in front of our daughter.

When we first discussed Christmas at the start of our separation I said it was something we could maybe look at but since he had shown no interest I had said he could have Boxing Day and that would be it. This is the first he's brought it up again in a few weeks

OP’s posts: |
HalfMyLife Mon 18-Dec-17 10:54:15

I would say you have every right to be selfish and say no to him being there on Christmas morning. you're not denying contact - you've already agreed that he'll have her Boxing Day - if he wants to do presents etc with her, then that's him time to do it.
I'm in a similar position with STBXH putting holidays with OW above spending time with his kids (he sees them once a month for about 3 hours) - it's awful, but it does get easier.
Sending you huge hugs - enjoy Christmas with your precious little girl and your family, and good luck with your new little one. xxxxx

onedayatatime2710 Mon 18-Dec-17 20:44:39

@HalfMyLife thank you so much. Your post was just the kind of thing I needed tonight. I'm sorry to hear you are going through a similar situation but you sound like your doing amazing.

All my friends and family have said the exact same but sometimes it's nice to get another perspective. He's really not bothered just now and I think it's only because the OW can't spend Xmas day with him that he's now mentioned about coming round so I won't have my daughter play second best anymore. Hope you have an amazing Christmas as well. Surely karma will kick in one day xxx

OP’s posts: |

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