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Divorce/separation

Xmas contact

16 replies

Hellohun · 10/12/2017 11:15

My ex was violent and sexually abusive as well as being extremely controlling . There is evidence of this and the judge stated the case was exceptional in its evidence so much so there was no need for a fact finding etc). Naturally , wanting to protect my child I had to safeguard this via the family courts. He went through the contact centre after debating it was too expensive and couldn’t afford the train fare . His parents took him to every session , never independently. He did attend supervised contact for 18 months and then naturally it went to a whole day , supervised by his parents. Sometimes my ex doesn’t even turn up , his parents come to collect him. My son is now 4 and struggles with the 2 nights it has now been built up to alternate weekends. He has night tremors and wakes up 5,6 times. He cries uncontrollably during periods at night but this settles within 5 nights . My ex’s father approached me in a verbally aggressive manner this week stating they want 9 nights at Christmas in a row. The court order is old and did state he could have 7 consecutive nights this year. I pleaded that he would work with me half way and have his nights split but to an equal amount. Say , some weekends in a row and then 3 nights in a row. I even suggested they could have Christmas Day for the second year running so long as it did not exceed 3 nights as I felt doing 2 nights then straight to 7 is too much for my just turned 4 year old. He had a chance to build up contact during the summer but chose not to. He discovered I was pregnant with my husband around 6 weeks ago and I feel this has been a catalyst: I have said to go from 2 nights to 7 when he is only just coping is unfair. I said to have 7 but spill it. The court order is so loosely worded that it appears they are entitled to the weekend contact before as well. His half term for Xmas is only 12 days long and I said asking for 9 nights is excessive.
Do you feel I am being unreasonable ? I will probably have some more abuse off them in the coming days . My ex is rarely there and these arguments are always between me and the grandparents. I don’t want to argue but I feel intimidated and worried he won’t cope.
He has vision issues and needs patching which they always fail to do and his vision has deteriorated. The nursery want to make a referral to children’s services and I don’t know what to do. He has only ever had 2 nights in a row.

Thanks

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Poshindevon · 10/12/2017 15:54

You are not being unreasonable.
The grandparents have no legal rights whatsover to demand this. Does your ex husband live with them? If he does not ,you have every right to refuse to let your son stay with the grandparents. The court order was made between you and your ex husband the father of the child not his parents. You need to make the grandparents understand this.
If the nursery thinks your child should be reffered to childrens services then you need to follow their advice.
I would also see a solicitor about this situation. Especially if your child is having difficulties and the father would not show up at all if not for the pushy grandparents.
You need to stand your ground on this.